Cut My Skin On The Shards Of Hope

I find this song fits my situation the best. Both sides have fighting for a very long time. Now want my Anna side to rule: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BulXil2ROy4

My bravery has finally found a place to shine and after this is revealed, I?ll finally know that hell my life has been was all worth it. My 7 cups experience has been less than ideal. In case some of you don?t understand some of us are here because we have problems that we?re trying to make more bearable. One of mine is trying to build better relationships with men to bring me into a more comfortable state of mind around them. This doesn?t mean romantic relationships yet because I was verbally bullied for years by guys. There?s nothing worse than being in a place that I desire to be but not being able to let anything down and say we?re friends as well. A part of me always screams out for something to be different. My self-doubt, self-confidence issues, and trust keep me chained to the past when all I want is to let things go.

Have had guy Listeners before who helped me see what a little bit of appreciation, interest in my life and allowing me into theirs, caring words, and humor could do for me during the rough times (of which there were many) and also during the times when I didn?t have a care in the world. It helped me get into a better frame of mind so I could start looking at my own self-worth and where I truly fit in. You know who you are and thank you for being by my side to help me reach the point I?m at now. :) And the ladies I've been in touch with are awesome as well so another thank you goes out to you.

However, I felt like asking for help made me look like a burden even though this is what the site is for. Thinking the situation would go sour when the person got closer. For once, can someone please understand that I?ve only understood rejection and hurt feelings when it comes to relationships with both men and women? That when you call me a friend or say you care about me I find it very difficult to keep a clear head and remember past hurts instead. I?ll often have trouble asking when I have a problem and would rather have check ins so that I can get used to the feeling of being wanted instead of looking like I?m ignoring you. That sometimes I?ll sit and look at your username and think you won?t want to talk or will be too busy.

I?m not looking for much. All I?d like is acceptance, loyalty, friendship, honesty, and the promise that you?ll stay for as long as you can and refer me onto someone else if you can?t help anymore or if it gets to be too difficult. This confession is made at a turning point in my recovery because my life has gotten so much better both interpersonally and personally. Am finding it easier to trust in my own intuition as well as trust others around me and beginning to understand that sometimes I really can touch someone?s heart in a positive way. Showing all sides of myself and still being accepted when in years past this wasn?t the case. There?s still a long way for me to go; however, I?m now strong enough to only allow the people in my life who bring out the best in me and are patient with me even when things seem foolish.