Day's Diary
Hi,
Had a rough meeting with old therapist Monica. It made me doubt my reality because she was defensive about a lot of things. I don't want to dwell on it too much, but at the same time I may need more time later to process this experience. I told her it helps me when therapists admit they make mistakes and she said she felt I was trying to make her feel ashamed. I told her I felt she gave me life advice about relationships. She kind of angrily wrote this down to record it, but said "I didn't do that."
I have been kind of ruminating searching for articles of other people saying they had similar experiences with therapists, but her defensiveness freaked me out and makes me ruminate, doubting my intuition.
My friend Mary came over today. I had asked her to help me with cleaning, because it's harder with my mental health. I felt really annoyed, because she's pretty passive. She wouldn't really do anything unless I told her a very specific task. She just stood there and didn't ask "how can I help" or anything. I had to ask her "can you please take things out of this box" which she did for a few minutes and then stopped until I asked her again. Argh. I feel like I could have done things faster by myself. I did get through a few things; I just feel super annoyed, and I probably won't ask her for help again. I have trouble in life with feeling like I have to do everything by myself. I guess I just need to find some more active people who are can be better supports for me. So frustrated.
@Daydreamer47
April 11th.
I'm pretty stressed about my trip for my cousin's wedding in June, because I'll have to stay with and interact with my parents, who have been emotionally abusive in the past. I just found out that I will have a two hour drive from the airport with them and I hate being in the car with them. I was able to plan a trip on my own after the three days with them. Thank God I had the assertiveness to turn down a long 4 hour drive with them for the second part of the trip cuz I do NOT want to deal with that. We had family counseling, but they refused to address their own anxiety and anger issues, so thoss are still there while my mom wants a ton of attention and time from me so I feel guilty/trapped trying to set boundaries. I feel like at some point I need to take baby steps to express that I don't like spending time with them because they wouldn't work on their issues and still get unpredictably angry and verbally aggressive, but it's hard because they respond defensively and aggressively when I try to say no to spending time with them. Ahhhdifuch