Emotions

Im sorry, I have probably posted this in the wrong place but I wasnt sure where else to place it.

I'm not good at talking about myself so please bare with me.

I was abused alot throughout my life and in alot of different ways.

The most thing im struggling with at the moment is getting in touch with my emotions.

You see I was beaten as a child if I cried or complaimed in any way and because of this I think I repressed everything.

I can strongly relate with people who have autism because emotioms comfuse the hell out of me.

I normally feel pretty emotionaless which I think is part of a selfdefense mechanism I developed in order to protect myself while being abused and to try and keep myself safe-showing emotions was dangerous!

So growing up I found it very hard to fit in, I learned to , imic how others reacted to things in order to appear normal but not really feeling anything myself.

Now that I am an adult, I find that I can have bouts where im overwhelmed with emotions of sadness at times and feel inexplainably angry-these times usually come anout when im feeling at most safe and secure and generally when I should be at my safest.

Im not sure how to handle this, imsit with the sadness and other emotioms and know they will pass but im still not reactively emotional, just have delayed reactioms where it comes to a point where I domt really know where those emotions came from.

Its all very confusing and I wish I was more normal.

Can anyone else relate?