Exhausted

Hey everybody I’m 26 just had a birthday February 28 I’m married with two kids I suffer from anxiety and depression and it’s been hard lately, I’m starting to hate my husband he says the most hurtful things to me knowing I do the most and best for all of us ‘! It’s like one minute he cares and understands my condition the next moment he’s throwing shots at it ! Regardless of my conditions I still put myself last all the time always thinking of my children and husband but I guess that’s never enough !!!. He is the only person I ever trusted with telling everything in my life that I went through the neglect , abuse ,. Rape , being homeless and selling drugs and myself at only 17 . He knows everything the good bad and ugly and most times he just throws it on my face at the most inappropriate times upset or not somethings are just not called for ! Me and my mom was never close it’s like she hated me so much trauma from my childhood so I make sure to not be the same with my kids yet whenever I’m tired or just don’t feel like doing something instead of helping he insults me after most days MOST I ignore it and just do it regardless of how I feel !. It’s not fair !. It’s like I don’t want to be with him anymore but I don’t want to hurt my kids they love their dad but he seems so narcissistic to me !! Tonight he said I never do anything fit my kids because after I changed our daughter after he asked me too no problem I asked him to change our son he said he would but eventually told me no I have to change him ! Of course I got upset because it’s your son I change him majority of the times he only 10 months just this month so he more attached to mommy so I get it , our daughter is in daycare gone ten hours in the day !. It should be no excuse why he didn’t want to change our son it was so insensitive!!! Anyway I told him since he already volunteered he should change him ! That’s when I get told I don’t do anything for my kids it really hurt my feelings and when I get defensive I get called a hood bitch and hood rat because my feelings are hurt I cannot even express myself in my own house !! He can insult but I can’t defend !! Sometimes I hate my life !!! Why did I do this to myself !!! I love my babies but him idk but don’t want to be a single parent being how it’s very hard with two babies as it is now idk