Feelings

It's late. I'm new here, and desperate to feel a connection with anyone who gets it. Because I'm feeling emotionally exhausted. I've been triggered for 3 days now from many things. I feel disposable, inadequate, worthless, not enough, not seen, and unloved. And probably more that I can't quite identify. Oh ya, lots of shame. I'm discovering how bad I am at reaching out for help with unsafe people. I'm close with them, but they don't understand trauma and end up shaming me without them knowing what they're doing. Anyone else have this issue? Like "once you're aware of the abuse and you stay, then you're a willing participate." It doesn't work like that and I don't feel the need to explain to ignorance, yet I do because I haven't been heard in a long time. I've been out of the situation for 6 months now, but I'm just now facing it and about to start therapy. I'm also in recovery from addiction. Was raised by an addict. So it's been a shit show basically my whole life, with glimpses of joy and happiness. I also have BPD and feel a constant emptiness. I guess I'm writing to 1)vent 2) seek help and lastly, what are coping mechanisms that have worked for you? How do you deal with people who don't understand? I hate feeling feelings. That's why I used drugs for so long. That's how I coped. And I don't want to go back to that. I need healthy ways to deal with this unbearable internal pain and maybe some hope.