I don't even know how to start here

Roughly 50 years old and still traumatized by things that happened when I was 10....It's been 12 years since I had contact with that side of my family.. I broke from them when I realized they really didn't want to deal with how my mother was involved, just blame it on her boyfriends. I think she basically sacrificed my sister and I to her boyfriends and when it all came out no one except me wants to address how she was involved.... even my sister.

Anyway my grandfather on that side just died this last week and the only loss I feel is the longing for wanting to have had a family that supported me. I don't miss him at all and don't feel sad about his death, just reminded of how much emptiness there is where I wish a supportive family was..

So here I am.. what next?