I don't how to recover from hazing

I think there is a lot to it, and don't be hard on yourself needing time and asking for help. Abusers DO want to make their behavior look 'normal' so they'll bully in private, then be nice / friendly when there is an audience, and it is crazy making. Is there someone you can talk to? Friend, teacher, counselor, parent, sibling, church member? and it's understandable if it's hard to find that person. someone saying 'it's not that bad' doesn't help. If it's college, then, student health should havea way you can get counseling in private. If it's high school, and you are a minor, any school adult you talk to might be required to tell your parents. but I hope you will talk to a listener here, and try to find someoneyou can talk to there. it is awful, but, you can heal.

Hi @philisophie. Hazing is a terrible rite of passage in which the members of certain groups have to experience before they could become a part of the group. The act of hazing can involve emotional and physical abuse and leave deep physical and/or emotional scars to the person who experienced it, regardless of whether or not the abuse was staged.

After the hazing is over, those very people who committed the abuse treat you normally or even protect you and later become your friends. Why is that? That's because you have gone through the rite of passage required to enter their group, the rite of passage which those abusers themselves are likely to have gone through before you, so they feel that you are now "worthy" or "equal" enough to be among them, and so you may reap some benefits the group has to offer.

However, the experience of hazing can be so scarring and terrible that, even though you are now accepted as a part of their group, a sense of distrust and a sort of unease about your group is built up in you. They were your tormentors but are now your friends. This can be very confusing and could be very hard to process.

It would terrify me to hear about someone hurt by fire, whips, cuts, beatings, or otherwise physically harmed by the abusers, so I am relieved to hear that the experience was largely emotional, but I will not say that emotional abuse is acceptable.

In fact, emotional abuse can be just as harmful or, in some cases, even more harmful than physical abuse, though emotional abuse easily goes unnoticed because the scars, bruises and pains are not visibly shown. One should not treat people traumatized by emotional abuse lightly simply because their wounds are hidden, so I do not see your problem as petty.

Hazing is highly controversial and has little purpose in creating a good trust and bond between group members (in my unprofessional and unqualified opinion), and other than creating distrust in your "friends", you could be left with deep scars, but whether or not you feel the benefits of the group outweighs the harm caused during hazing is not for me to judge. It is your choice to decide whether or not you would like to remain a part of such a group.

And as for healing, discussing your experience with someone you trust may be helpful and might provide you with some peace of mind. Truly, I hope your feelings improve and for your happiness to return, and I would like you to know that we are here to support you through any problems you may have, be they big or small, so feel free to send me a message or connect to one our wonderful listeners on this site. We are here for you. :)

amboredd, I really like the way you explained hazing and groups, that is good life - knowledge

@philisophie I feel the exact same way! I just created an account thanks to you. Thank you @philisophie hopefully we can both find healing