I don’t know how to move on
Hi, I am new here. I am not a native English speaker so please forgive any mistakes from me.
I don't know if it's here the right place for me, my things, but a kind member from an other forum I was seeking help for me there, she suggested me this one here so I am giving a try.
I am struggling 2 years now. It's hard for me even to talk about it but I try, I tried in other places, forums even with specialists too but nothing really worked for me.
During my internship I had been sexually harassed by a superior man. I also had very difficult life as a kid and teen, I was bullied in very bad ways for years, I had therapy for years, I fought with depression, panick attacks, loneliness and after many years I was finally my life in order until this very bad thing happened to me.. I couldn't speak to anyone about it.. I have no proofs, I have no strength, I was and I am afraid that my mental health can be used to intimidate me as in many cases like this happens. My country doesn't have clear laws about it, we don't even have special support about things like that. Women like me are in silent. It's so hard. Our country most of the times find it funny or that is women's fault or that we are overeating.. I think I behave with a proper way in my life. Even with all the difficulties I had or I have I am still trying, I studied, I worked, I work, I am studying again, I educate myself, I am trying to behave with kindness and respect. Of course I am doing mistakes as I am just a human but still I can't get through this thing I had to endure.. I am sorry if I speak to much.. I am just trying to explain my story..
once again nice to meeting you all here :)
@lovingMango3238 That is a very difficult matter and I am so sorry to hear you had/have to go through it. It feels rather empty that I can only sympathize while you have to remain in a place where this situation is allowed to occur. I would encourage you to embrace any resources available that might be able to offer you safety of some sort.
You cannot put this burden on yourself. It is not you who caused the situation. If at all possible, seek to find a way out of where you are. Maybe family elsewhere? I don't know but if it something that is tolerated there, your safety demands you elsewhere.
I wish you the best. I hope you can find peace and a way out of your situation.
@FrozenCocktail
Hi FrozenCoctail, nice nick name :) reminds me summer days :)
Thankfully I am not in this situation anymore. It happened almost 2 years ago but is really really hard for me to get through this. It's affected my life, my emotions, it still has..
@lovingMango3238 I am relieved at least the situation is past. Again, I am very sorry to hear you had to go through this. It is very hard to find strength in our trials. I personally feel it is helpful to talk things out. But sometimes that is only temporary. We can however find strength in each other. You can talk to me about anything you like. Your day. Your yard. Your bike :) Anything at all. Here, now, you are safe. My door is open.
Today it was a bit rainy, but I rather like the rain. I like how it washes over me. It feels cleansing. So I had a nice walk :) How was the day where you are?
@FrozenCocktail
Hi, how are you today?
Thank you so much for your kind words. Here was sunny until now, now it's cloudy unfortunately.
I am also open in any kind of conversation :)
@lovingMango3238 today has started as a good day. It fluctuates but having people to talk to has helped. Some moments are particularly difficult. During those times I either listen to music, take a walk or do both. It's a bit cold but I am looking forward to my morning walk. I always feel better after that.
How about you? What have you planned for today?
@FrozenCocktail hi, I am glad it was beautiful day at the end :)
sometimes is so hard.. whatever our fight is.. I understand.. if you want to talk about it I am here.
For me is a hard day, hard days actually, I am trying my best.. I am confused, sad, depressed but I try..
@lovingMango3238 Today was so-so. If I were weather, it would be a cloudy day :) I want to see the sunlight, but it's just not for me. And I put on 7lbs!!! Ugh...
Do you have something you use for distraction? Drawing, writing, walking? Can you tell me a little about it?
Mine is writing but, I haven't done any lately. It's been quite a while actually. I want tomorrow to be better, but I think I'm spinning my wheels today ;\ Do you want to try something together? We can both try something out of the ordinary tomorrow and share it. Maybe that will help.
I look forward to our chat tomorrow. I hope it is better for both of us.
@FrozenCocktail
hi, so n so is most of my days. I understand. Usually I had my job, I was pretty busy and tired at the end of the day so I was destracted. I was also playing music. I love music. But since 2 months now I have a serious orthopaedic injury, I lost one of my jobs, I am mostly home especially because of Covid-19, lockdown makes everything worse. Also because of the injury I can't use my hands to do something like music, drawing or exercise. I am on recovery with physiotherapy and resting and lockdown so you can guess how hard it is.. the only thing I can do is walking outside at least once or twice per day. I am grateful for this but sometimes it's boring walking at the same places all over again. Maybe we can share a walking hour :)
@lovingMango3238 That is a great suggestion. I will take you up on that! I think I will go for 1pm (13:00) tomorrow.
Today was also 50/50. I think in general my mood has lowered but at least I'm not having mood swings. I'll hopefully be talking to a doctor tomorrow.
I too used to use music and writing to help draw me away. But lately, the music just makes me sad and I haven't convinced myself to write again. I'm stagnant. I don't have the same limitations you are experiencing, but somehow we are still stuck.
Have you been undergoing physical therapy for long? How much longer before you can enjoy some of your previous activities? And! Have you heard Linkin Park - Castle of Glass? Love that song....
@FrozenCocktail hi! Thank you for this message, for some reason it makes me smile :) I do know the song and I love Linkin Park! I grew up with them! They were giving me strength when I was a teen and I was bullied and alone but with their songs I was fighting. :)
I had the chance to be on their show once and it was amazing!! Chester voice was so clear! Did you ever had the chance to see them in concert?
Tomorrow I work, ( I just have only one part time job right now) but I ll try to walk and I also will also meet my Dr.
Maybe we can share a walk on Thursday when I have nothing else to do? :)
I am 2 months now in physio therapy. Before that I was working a lot. I didn't have any hobbies back then because work was so hard and sifts were more after CV first lockdown. I was mostly listening music and walking or watching tv shows.
@FrozenCocktail
I understand about mood swings, I do have many and that hurts me a lot and is confusing me. I hope I can finally cope with it. I am glad you fight yours! If there is any time you want to speak more about it or share anything difficult or something light I am here to listen and support and sit with you. :)