I don't know if I'm allowed.
Possible trigger warning (sexual trauma/cosca)
Hello! I'm sorry if this is delivered awkwardly or incorrectly, I'm new to this.
Years ago my sister showed me a video of a man being forced into a set of female clothing, forced to take a cold shower, and then given non-consensual oral sex. I was only in the fourth grade when I saw this. Long story short, it was traumatizing. I was just a kid, I didn't need to see that. Being exposed to sex at such an early age has caused me to be borderline fearful of people even touching me. I've had peers ask me for nude pictures which made me feel even more like a tool, of course I didn't send them but still.
I'm just not sure if I'm allowed to feel scared or have an symptoms of PTSD, because I know others have had it so much worse than I did. But I feel dirty and bad when I think about it, but I feel like I don't have the right to want to recover or feel terrible about what happened. Can anyone offer advice or validation? I don't know what to think anymore. Thank you.
@Skeep I'm glad you found this safe place. You never have to explain your feelings. They are yours and yours alone. And it sounds like you went through a really hard and scary situation for someone so young. We all react differently and there is no right or wrong way. This community has many people who understand what you've been through and give support and resources to help you through. You aren't alone! And you aren't weird, or odd or wrong for having these feelings about what you went through.