I don't remember!
What I'd like to get off my chest is that I don't remember. I don't remember anything. I know something happened because of evidence witnessed by a caretaker (which I do not wish to describe because of the potential to trigger). I also know that I have very specific issues, which I avoid as far as possible. But not remembering makes me feel like I cannot say I am a trauma survivor. Like I can't talk about it or be validated, because I have nothing to say or to tell. I don't remember anything. Please, please, please, tell me that I am not the only one feeling like this. What an awful thing to wish on someone else. Please forgive me. How do I work with something that I cannot remember?
Hi there,
I'm sorry to hear that you are experiencing this particular issue. It sounds like you have experienced traumatic events, and you cannot remember details about them. I have heard about people having "repressed memories;" that is to say, bad experiences in their past, which they cannot remember. I think you are not the only one going through this, and there is no reason for you to feel badly about it.
I have encountered traumatic incidents in the past, and then, I remembered them a few years later. The memories of the incidents were suppressed for awhile, and then they came back to me sharply in my mind, and I remember the pain that I experienced, while in them. I think memories can be suppressed for awhile, and later come back.
I hope you are able to recover from your traumatic experiences, and know you are not alone in this.
@Strength1 - Thank you for your kind words. I also thought that I would remember. But I have given up hope that the memories will come back to me. I'm sure that many will think that is a blessing. Maybe it is. But sometimes I feel like I'm walking in the woods, being frightened at monsters that I can never see or understand or conquer.
I forget a lot of things. First, I thought that it was just due to my lack of awareness on what is happening around me. But when I started to notice discrepancies in the time frame of my memories, I realized that I forgot a lot of things. And the thing is, I can remember the feelings associated with those memories, but I can;t remember them themselves. It feels so lost that I feel so down and lonely without knowing why. I have clues because of the behavior of the people around me but I will always be unsure of myself. Especially now that I am starting to forget people I care about.
I hope that you can find the way even though this path is dark and lonely. I do not know the answer yet to your question as I myself am struggling with that but know that you are not alone and I believe and support you.
@sensitivefeather - Thank you in particular for believing me. That is so important to me. To be believed. Thank you.
No, you are not alone. I know that things have happened but I can't remember them either. It's like I blacked out or something. Like you know you got drunk last night but don't know what happened after a certain point...It's like that feeling.
@GingerSunshyne - Thank you for sharing.
Hi Chia, I just wanted to stop by to say that I believe you. The memory may or may not be currently present, but the anxiety surrounding that is real, and that's the real paradox; having an emotional reaction to something you don't fully remember. Our brains work in mysterious ways, and we are powerful when our protection mechanisms kick into high gear. Your mind is operating in a way it can deal with the situation. It is protecting you, which feels backwards.
I haven't had a repressed memory, so I don't have any advice I can give you, but just know that we are here for you. We believe you.
@Blinkk - Thank you. I really appreciate that.