I hope to find people who can help me with what I have to say
When I was 8 or 9 I stayed with my dad at his moms house and she has a boyfriend that stays with her I grew up calling him my grandpa. I loved him so much anytime he would watch a movie on TV I'd have my head on his lap or on the side of his lap I don't know what made him do what he did but he would always put a cover over the lower half of my body. I thought this was a normal thing grandparents did but every time he put a cover over me he would have his hand in my pants. This went on for about a year but I didn't think anything of it he was an adult I trusted. A year later I was in my first year of middle school and I had a class called sex ed. During that class I learned about molestation and rape and how it wasn't good. After that I'd have flash backs of what happened with my grandpa. I finally realized what he did and I hated myself for so long and I resented guys I wouldn't let them come near me. I would isolate myself from everyone for years, to my family it was just me going through my emo phase. After I graduated high school I finally told my dad it took me 9-10 years to tell him everything. He wasn't happy with my grandpa. I told him to not say anything, and he agreed. Ever since then dad doesn't talk about it and I've been getting worse lately and I can't get help because my dad hasn't came to terms with what happened to me.
I always thought.
It's my own fault that happened to me I let it happen I didn't know what was happening and didn't say anything sooner.
@JayGarcia
It sounds like you have encountered a challenging experience in your life, and I am glad that you have had the courage to come here to the trauma forum, and communicate about your story. It sounds like you were able to talk to your father, a family member, about what happened, after a period of time, and I feel it is good you were able to open up to him, and to share your story with him. I think that communication about one's challenging experiences in their lives is important, instead of holding your thoughts and feelings inside of you. It is healthy to express them.
I am hoping that you will be able to connect with others in this group, who have been through related experiences, so that you may realize that you are not alone, in what you have gone through. It sounds like you feel that it was your fault regarding what has happened to you, and I think it's important for victims of traumatic events to not blame themselves for what has happened to them. Nobody is to blame for negative incidents which occur towards them, where hurt or harm is involved. It is nobody's fault, in my opinion.
Wishing you all the best in your recovery.