I just need to talk to someone
****Trigger Warning****
I can't tell anyone in my life about this. And that's eating at me and what's left of my sanity. I'm married with 2 beautiful girls my relationship with my husband is strained at best, we fight argue and find it hard to discuss things anymore. Few weeks ago probably more like a month we had a bad fight...he gets very emotional claims I don't love him and has his own problems with depression now I should say there was a time years ago we were great friends that found comfort in each other, things have changed over time and I'm not sure why maybe to much bad things have been said. Anyways we get into it and I'm packing to leave and my gut says to go find him so I take my 2 year old because I can't leave her in the house alone. I find him in the barn threatening to harm himself which he attempted to carry out after I left. I ran back to him, set my daughter around the corner (yes she's still there watching everything I hate myself for this) I try to lift him and can't I'm 5'4 he's a foot taller the only reason he's alive today is because I was able to save him. Were stilL trying to make things work but it's been difficult I now shake and get cold sweats when someone talks about suicide and have horrible images that will never go away I just needed to tell someone...
edited by dancingRainbow45 on 28/06/2017 Added a trigger warning and edited the post as too graphic descriptions against community guidelines on attempting suicide
@BlackRose09 What you went through must have been extremely traumatic for you and your child. You say you are trying to work things through but the experience has left you deeply upset and distressed fearing perhaps this could happen again. Have you and your partner talked about getting some help, so as to try and prevent this situation occuring again? Perhaps considering seeing a doctor, a therapist or other medical professional that may be able to help? Perhaps too you may be able to get some additional support for yourself too. If you need to speak to someone one to one about this here at cups, please feel free to reach out to a listener who is here to support you. It is understandable you would feel as you do, it must have been dreadful to have experienced this., Im sorry you had to go through this alone and until now have not felt able to turn to anyone.
