I'm angry

I am furious. The more I think about it the more angry I get.

I moved into supervised housing for mental illness hoping that it would provide the external support I need. My last assault was on October 9th, 2018 ( on thanksgiving). I already had trauma but this was different than before. Like the time before I found myself staring at the wall, unable to move or speak, unaware of my surroundings, i felt like I was a prisoner inside my body. I was trying to bang through these walls to get back into my body but all I could do was blink. The difference is that this time it didn't only happen once

It happened again and again; in class, at home, mid conversation, while cooking. I was terrified. I didnt know what to call it; falling into my body, disconnecting from my body, my body disassociating from my mind? I was trying desperately to express what I was experiencing

Finally in August my rape counsellor explained that what i was describing was dissociation, a real thing and that I was not alone it happens to alot of trauma survivors because our minds disconnect during the trauma to protect ourselves and so the brain continues to do it in periods of stress.

We explored my triggers they seem to be intense emotions while being in a place where I do not perceive threat

ex:

with my partner in class

at home

Not in an intense argument or on a dark street. (But after at home)

Now the interveners are accusing me of making it up.

I'm OUTRAGED.

Insulted.

Hurt.