Just need to get this off my chest (Trigger warning maybe?)
Hi, forgive me if I'm posting to the wrong forum this one jsut seemed like the most relevant one!!
I've never in over 6 years spoken of this to anybody but my parents but lately the nightmares are worse, and I started seeing someone who's mom is a cop and I'm scared it's going to become a problem and I just need to lessen the anxiety.
When I was 13, until I was 15 I was involved in a sex crime over the internet invovling being blackmailed and threatened. I'm still uncomfortable talking about the details and I dont think anybody wants to hear them anyways. But it was a really fucked up situation and it never got properly dealt with. My mom discovered it one day, police got involved, they traced his IP address and it was left as an open case and we never spoke of it again. I was punished for it and it was an uncomfortable topic that my parents never spoke of. I was (and still am) incredibly embarassed so I was ok shoving it down and trying to forget about it but I havent and I cant and I dont want to hold onto it anymore.
I have nightmares that revolve around it and I think it's affected my relationships I've had since? I'm scared to find out but I just needed to tell someone (or the whole internet whatever) because having all this shit in my head and memories and flashbacks gives me panic attacks and scares me and makes me wonder if I'm going to be broken forever.
If anyone has tips on how to deal with something like this? Much appreciated! Talking about trauma and this is brand new and really really scares me and makes me uncomfortable haha so I think this is an ok soft start
Hey <3
I understand completely what you're going through, I've dealt with some very similar things in the past, and I had the same problem--the case was closed after around nine months because the person couldn't be found, and they couldn't do anything more.
The first thing I'd recommend if you want to start moving on, is to not feel embarrassed about it. What happened is NOT your fault! The only person who deserves to feel embarrassed about what happened is the awful person who did this to you. They are the only person who deserves to feel broken and upset about the situation, not you. You're the one who lived through it. You're brave, and strong, and a fantastic person who doesn't need to feel broken up about this any longer.
There's no fast secret to feeling better, so be patient with yourself. It will take time, but you just need to take things one day at a time. Remind yourself that it's all gonna be okay, and if needed you could consider seeing a professional to help you along with it. I know it's uncomfortable and hard to talk about, but these are people who are trained to help you, and you only need to tell them as much as you want to. Whatever sort of things you like doing, spend as much time as possible doing those things, and that will always help. Exercise is good, too, because it will naturally just make you happier and more relaxed in general.
Good luck, you got this :)
@Ashelyn
You have no clue how much better you made me feel! Its really comforting to hear that others understand the situation and the emotional parts. Thank you for your kind words, I really needed them
