Mel's Diary
31st August 2017:
After a really difficult day yesterday, with a lot of trauma coming up for me again, I ended up feeling so tired and I had trouble consentrating. I ended up sleeping for ages, but it was ressless sleep. Lukily I don't remember having any nightmares though.
I need to go pick up my medication this morning. I went to do it yesterday, but it turned out I had gone on the wrong day. So I have to go back today to get it. I also have a Doctor apt. later today as well. To say I'm anxious about all the stuff I need to do today is to say the least.
I'm still waiting to hear back about the trauma therapy and the CBT therapy I'm waiting on, and to see my pych again.
I hate my anxiety so much. I meditate and do yoga when I can, or distract myself, but it doesn't always work, and then I end up drinking or taking drugs. I know that's not ideal though. 
But we all do what we have to do in order to cope. I really wish I could just cope without that stuff. Anyway, I am planning to talk about it with my Dr today, if I get up the courage to. So wish me luck!
I'm afraid to sleep again, because of the nightmares, and / or just the fear of never waking up again. 
Things are really not going well for me lately. I've been SHing a lot. 
I want to make things better, but everything bothers me and is overwhelming and emotional.
I might call a crisis line yet again.
I am even avoiding my closer friends.
I can't focus to even watch Netflix.
I can't get to see a Dr until next week at the earlist either, which sucks.
I overheard what sounded like my neighbour being assaulted next door and had to call the police to make sure she was safe. It was really scary, and my brother who I live with was away for the evening, so I was on my own. It made me feel helpless, and tearful, and traumatised all over again. I movedhere to get away from an abusive relationship. 
I talked to a lovely listener this morning, so I don't feel as upset as I did, but it's still pretty raw.