My Story, My Life, My Reality...

A Girl Who Is Lost

There is this girl who lives in this big world, she’s lost and doesn’t know who she is. They all say she’s just disrespectful but they don’t know her life. She has been bullied since elementary, it all started when she was in first grade. They would say she was ugly, fat, stupid, and laughed at her. It continued but as it continued, it got worse they soon told her she was worthless, and trash. She began to think that she was useless, she then cut herself. Her parents, and nobody knew she self-harmed but she went to a different school in fifth and sixth grade. She began to think that it was getting better, that she might be okay. Then her nightmare came, which of course was middle school. In seventh grade she made some new friends, later on they turned their backs against her. She had to deal with the drama going on, and the bullying. She decided she couldn’t handle the pain any longer, she tried to kill herself. She grabbed a blade, and tried to slit her wrist but it didn’t cut deep enough, she didn’t tell anybody, she sat there watching the blood drip from her wrist, and then she grabbed the blade to cut her thighs, and her other wrist. She just wanted the pain to end, there was too much going on at school and home. At home she was constantly told she was dumb, ugly, fat, trash, worthless, useless, and so many other things, it was just like at school. At home she would also be hit sometimes. She had got called to the office so many times, and they always blamed her for everything. They even told her she was an attention seeker that made her not want to tell anyone about her self-harming. Now, it went to eighth grade for her. She made a new friend and she thought that it was going somewhat good for her until her friend told someone she was self-harming. She gets that her friend cared about her but she hated what went down at home. The night her “family” found out that she self-harmed they freaked out and beat her. She was so scared, and she felt like she needed to die. She was just done with life, that night she tied a rope in her closet but then she figured out why she was living. She just cut herself that night even though her wrists, and legs hurt from the bruises she got. Eighth grade was just like her elementary school years, and her middle school year. She is just a struggle girl, a girl who gets seen as an attention seeker, and she also gets seen as disrespectful. But some days she feels so overwhelmed and stressed that she just goes off on people. She hates when she goes off but she just can’t handle people yelling at her. She is going through a lot at school, too because there are rumors about her, and she has lost most of her friends because of rumors. She’s in ninth grade but she’s still getting bullied. She feels like a problem constantly but knows that she has to keep on fighting. She asks herself everyday “when is my life going to get better, when am I going to be okay”? She doesn’t know. But she tells her bullies, and her abusers that through her depressed moods. She will stand tall. At her lowest points. She will kneel. When she feels suicidal. She will kneel. Through her anxiety. She will stand tall. When she can’t control myself. She will kneel. When she is upset. She will stand tall. When she feels like she is going to be broken forever. She will stand tall. When she wants to self-harm. She will kneel. When there’s no hope. She will kneel. When she hates herself. She will stand tall. When she hates her life. She will stand tall. When she is fighting her fight. She will kneel. She will stand tall. She will choose to stay strong. She will choose to be positive. She will keep her head held high. She will keep fighting. She will stand tall. She will kneel when she needs to. But… she will NEVER fall. Falling is NOT an option. Falling is giving up. Falling is not trying her best. Falling might be for some people. But… Not her, SHE WILL NEVER FALL. She may kneel. But she’s not falling. Instead she chooses to stand tall, keep her head held high, and she will rise. You can’t stop her, you can’t tear her down, you don’t own her feelings, you don't own her, and you can’t change her opinion. She fights for what she believes in. Remember she will never fall, so don’t try to make her fall. She may tell her bullies, and abusers that but she is just a suicidal self-harmer child that’s fighting through her depression and anxiety. She’s fighting for her life, and will never give up. She has tried to give up before so that means she needs to keep fighting. She will always choose to keep fighting. She remembers falling isn’t an option. She HAS to keep going, and keep fighting, she doesn't have another option.