My Story

TW: Rape

So

it happened to me, nearly 2 years ago. I was desperate to make friends as I have none, I had recently graduated from uni, moved back home and got a new job. All positives. I just wanted to up my social life.

A new guy started at work and invited me out to hang with his friends one night, they were ging to go bowling. He would pick me up (I had yet to learn how to drive) and it'd be a fun evening. Or so I thought.

I wore a Ghostbusters sweater with 3/4 length sleeves and black skinny jeans and converse trainers.

He picked me up and his group of friends? Just 1 other bloke. We started the evening at my new collegues house we had a beer and chatted whilst watching TV, all was well. Then we headed out to the bowling alley

I had drinks throughout the course of the evening, and because I don't drink that often, it hit me hard. I remember we all got in a taxi and none of us had enough money to get back to where I lived.

So me and my new collegue headed back to his and his mate took off. I just wanted to crash and go to sleep. I was pretty wasted.

He put ghostbusters on tv (because i was wearing the logo on my top) I remember he started to kiss me, but I didn't want to, so i intentionally poured my drink onto his floor to create a distraction.

Next thing I remember is becoming concious again. Naked. Or at least him taking my jeans off. I kick him away and pass out again. I was only concious for a few seconds. I wake up again. This time it is actually happening. When he sees me wake, he holds my arms. So i manage to lean forwards and bite him had on his chest (part of me hopes it was hard enough to leave a scar, if not a mark that lasted a long while) He then gets angry at me and yells what i was doing

i remember being so confused. i asked what he was doing. he threw some of his own clothes at me saying i should have dignity and that I was disgusting.

I said i wanted to leave.

He threw money at me for a taxi. I leave refusing to take his money.

I ended up walking in a very unfamiliar neighbourhood. I text another collegue but my phone runs out of battery before i can get a reply. I remember walking around crying until I bumped into a police officer. She had a huge german shepherd with her. She radiod a collegue to come get me.

I didn't get home until 5/6am. I had t go to the police station.

I lied to my parents the following days about where I was ging - saying I was hanging out with other collegues when I really was going for a police interview or my medical exam. They were due to go on holiday a week later and I didn't want to ruin it for them. I had taken the week off of work to look after our own dogs. I spent a week alone.

Obviously I told work and he was fired. He returned to his hometwn of Cardiff.

It never got to court.

Ghostbusters is a huge trigger for me. It sounds silly. But all night strangers were signing the tune to me and obviously the movie was playing when it happened. Ive not told anyone that because it is so silly.

I now can't stand the idea of bowling.

I now do not drink at all. The only exceptions are if I am with trusted and safe people. And even then, i limit myself.

Sometimes i get nervous when I have sex with my boyfriend. I don't fully understand why. Because I know what happened wasn't about sex. it was about power. but i still get nervous

I don't even like getting naked in front of him, like when im changing for bed etc. because I was told to have dignity.

This is nearly 2 years on.

Sometimes I feel like I haven't reacted in the right way, and im nervous for when that will happen.