My Story

Trigger warning

Loss of Gandpa/ Bestfriend

So when I was thirteen my grandpa was diagnosed with cancer. He was more of my dad in a way, I had been living with him since I was six years old. We were so close we did EVERYTHING TOGETHER. People used to say we were more like siblings anyway I watched him deteriate in front of me for a year. It was the most traumatising thing to ever lose someone in that way. When he passed I cried and cried and cried. I lost something so special in my life I was only fourteen. I then had to step up and care for my nan while grieving. I had no self worth or self esteem I lost all of my friends except one.

Sexually Groomed Online

This was the friend who stayed with me. He looked after me when my grandpa died he knew I was an emotional mess I cried all the time and he kept saying he had me. He said he would never leave me and that we were bestfriends for life. I told him everything and that is when he had me. He said he would tell the school all of my secrets if I did not send nudes he said loved me and that we needed to have sex. I said I was not ready I was only fifteen years old but he said if I did not my secrets would be out, And I could not let that happen. So I sent photos and then he used them against me making sure I would send more or the ones that he had would be out there for the world to see. At the time my secret was my mental health issues I could not tell my family and I was trying to look after my sister so I did not want her to know. It sounds silly now.

Abusive relationship

I then got out of school and moved to college. I met a really nice guy he had everything the charms the caring personality for about three months I had fallen in love. Then he wanted me to bring him home to my family I kept saying no I was only sixteen and they were not keen on me having a boyfriend. I said I had to focus on caring for my nan. So that is when he first hit me. He said I had to do it or it would be worse. So I did, he had such an act and they loved him. My nan could not have coped if I told her what he was doing and he knew that. I am dispraxic so I am clumsy so he put me in hospital twenty times in two years and said she is just to clumsy. My nan never saw the marks because he had hid them so well on my body. Usually the hospital visits were head trauma or stitches if I cut my finger but he did all of that to me. I was scared and could not get out. So come a year into our relationship I applied to university. Knowing that I had one more year and I would be out. He of course did not know till the summer before I left. I left him on text and did not tell him where I was moving too. It was the hardest thing I had done.

Rape

I will always blame myself for this. I got to uni and I was free so I did a lot of stuff with guys and drank a bit. But one night I drank too much. I met a guy who was a mutual friend. And we made out. He kept buying me drinks and asking me what I was wearing I said you can see my clothes. I could barely walk so I said I was not having sex he said I will take you home and we will watch a movie. He told my friends I was too drunk and thatnhe wold get me home. So he does not take me home. He takes me to his room where he pulls down my knickers as I am passed out on the bed. I said please stop I am too drunk. I then went to sleep. I woke up with his tongue on me. He said good your up, pulled down his pants and entered himself into me I said no and to get off he said it would be over soon. In the club he had told my friends not to worry as he did not have a condom. It was then I realised he had finished in me and thats when I knew. I am not against abortion but for me I am so I waited two weeks to recieve the positive test. And two months later I miscarried. He destroyed everypart of me that night. He even took my underwear as a souvenir he said.

Thankyou if you read it all