My life has fallen apart.

Hello, my names Erin and Im 23. Ive had a turbulent life so far. My mother passed away when I was a baby, I have no memory of her but have always felt her absence. I grew up with my dad who was an alcoholic and quite mentally and emotionally abusive - I cut all ties with him when I was 21, which was very difficult and broke my heart. Ive spent a lot of my life unhappy and dependent on other people. I had 8 months of counselling for anxiety and panic attacks a couple of years ago, which did help somewhat. Ive recently hit rock bottom. Ive never experienced depression in the past, but Im scared thats whats happening to me now. I feel like a zombie some days, like I dont know who I am or what Im doing, like I cant find joy in anything anymore or see a way out of how I feel. Its like Im not even a person. Im totally disconnected from my own mind/body, if that makes sense. My boyfriend, my biggest source of happiness and hope, very abruptly and cruelly broke up with me two weeks ago & two days later my grandmother (who I live with and is basically my mother) went into hospital and still hasnt come home. Im lost and lonely and dont feel like me anymore. I dont know how to move forward or how Ill ever feel ok again. I just want to find out who I am as a singular human being and to be ok with that. To be ok with being alone and not despise myself or rely unhealthily on another human being. All Ive ever wanted in life is happiness. Sometimes I worry Ill never be able to find it, or keep it. I want to feel better - I just dont know how. How do you get over something like this? How do you move forward when you cant see any light?