My story

Just a fair warning this thread will probably contain content that some people may find triggering. Also it would be impossible for me to write everything here at once, so I'll probably reuse this thread over time.

Last night I couldn't fall asleep and when I did I kept dreaming about the same thing. I skipped class this morning (again). Normally I'm able to pretty easily ignore the problems/past between me and my mom. But it's around the 10 year anniversary of my brother (let's call him CW) being stillborn, and my mom proceeding to basically suffer a psychotic break.

After CW was born my mom was constantly either borderline suicidal or acting out in anger. My whole childhood she was pretty much a perfectionist/demanded perfection from me, with me always falling short, and punishments ranging from belittling to whippings, groundings, my toys being burned, etc. But during this time everything was amplified. Every day she made sure to tell me how crappy of a daughter I was, how I had failed, and that I was going to be the death of her. Sure everyone has probably heard that at some point, but there is a reason it sticks with me.

One night (I don't even remember what it was that I had done wrong) she sat in the kitchen floor making me watch as she ate a bunch of pills, telling me that it was my fault that my brother had died, that I put her under too much stress, and that it would be my fault when she died. (She survived this attempt).