New to 7 cup and idk what to do

Afew days ago my girlfriend committed suicide and I have this enmtiness I can't fill. It's hard to wrap my head that she's really gone. And the feeling of not being able to express everything I wish I told but never did is building up. I miss her emensly and my heart is in shambles my will feels broken and nothing makes sense anymore. I feel lost and I have so much anger and frustration that I wasn't able to make it to her in time or help her in her time of me. I'm upset with the selfish choice she made but I'm more upset at myself for being absent.