Not exactly rape, I don

@lovingCurrent233

I have never been one to join a dicussion online or post on something someone said, but this completely broke my heart and made me feel like i am not alone at the same time. You said that you didnt know many people who have a similar story, so this is mine. This is my testimony to you and a reminder that you are not alone.(I am sorry for the typos and the mini novel, but i felt compelled to share my story and what it has taught me.)

When I was 5, my family moved in with my uncle. We had just lost our house due to a storm and it was really rough. And then my Uncle started touching me. It was not something I saw wrong at first. And then he started to make me get undressed. I started to become really scared, and didnt like to be alone with him. And it eventually turned into sodomy which is a step away from legal rape in places and rape in others. I started to hide under the beds and beg my parents to not leave me at the house, but never told them why. My Aunt seemed to know something was wrong, even when i denied it, and, eventually, he was charged with raping multiple people. I still didnt speak up. Flash forward eleven years and I was still having nightmares, couldnt walk near a man without an anxiety attack. I had tried so hard to not believe what had happened, that it was just normal nightmares. Every time the nightmares got worse. I couldnt even be alone in a room with any male except my brother. Every time I had been alone with a man that was not immediate family, something bad would happen, from sexual remarks to touching, but it was never as bad as with my Uncle. Then I learned that my Uncle was harrasing my little cousin via phone and letters from prison with an illegal phone. And he was up for parole in the next year. So I told my parents about what happened when I was young and what was happening then, that he was still a predator. My parents where very understanding and have helped me slowly get over the fear. After I spoke up, I learned that that my mom and dad were both victims to very similar circumstances.

That was two years ago. They helped my LEARN that it was not my fault( You can be told that it is not your fault a million times but till I learned to believe it, there words made me feel worse). I should not be ashamed of being a victim of something horrible. And neither should you. You were a child, and no one should ever have that happen, let alone a child. You have nothing to be ashamed of, you didnt ask for a life like that. And if you ever doubt that, I have found that if anyone else had been in my situation, i would not blame them. Look at your story from someone elses point of view, as a bystander. and you will not be as hard on yourself.

My biggest regret in life is waiting to speak up. I feel like if i had spoken up at the beginning, things wouldnt have escalated as far as they did. I am now someone who is completely for speaking up. Please tell your mom. It is the most inlightening decision you will ever make. And if you cannot speak up for you, tell for your cousin who went through the same thing. YOUR SEXUAL ABUSER HAS A PSYCHOLOGICAL CONDITION THAT NEEDS TO BE ADRESSED!!! It may be rough for a little while, but things can only go up from there. If you have a chance to be alone with your mom to speak up, do it. I finally told my mom while she switched clothes from the washer to the dryer, and it was enough. You do not have to tell her what happened in detail if you dont feel comfortable. " MOM, OLDER COUSIN MOLESTED ME AND OTHER COUSIN" is a good starter. Be blunt, straight to the point. You will be nervous and will most likely cry( I did ), but the relief after is unlike any other. It only takes a sentence to change multiple lives for the better. If you wait, your molester could have another victim, one that will be just as terrified as you were. STAND UP AND SPEAK UP, for everyone's benifit. Incourage your cousin to speak up, but dont wait to speak up yourself. If you push it off now, you always will. You have my prayers as you go through this. You asked for advise on how to handle this, and you may already have, but if you havent, these are the only words of simi-wisdom I have to offer. Live life as though things can never be as bad as it was and you will always have hope, and speak up when something does not sit well with you, It will save you from lots of heartache and regret.