Not reacting properly

I was involved in NCCSA from the ages of 12-17 and other people have reasons to be traumaitised, they were physically touched and i never was.I feel like i dont deserve the feelings i do because i see it as 'other people were actually hurt or assulted', maybe they hate their bodies or hate being touched (generlisations sorry) but here I am with my brain telling me to hit up other people, idk expose myself for lack of a better term - i feel like i deserve it, deserve being used by other people, in a way i want to be and my heads just a mess rn idk where i am going with this. I just feel like shit and feel like im not reacting the 'way im supposed to'/