Repetitive Abuse and Working Toward Recovery **triggers**like a lot of them**

Hi, everyone. I'm a listener on this website and it's always been my goal to help people, and I'm hoping that by sharing my story I might show you that no matter what you're going through, it can get better.

July 1 2014 I met my boyfriend. It started out great, I was a freshman he was a junior, and he made me feel needed. Something I'd never really felt before. A week later he hit me. The day after that he raped me. Over the next 8 months I was beaten and raped almost every day to the point where I will never be able to have children. It didn't end until I moved away. But while I was adjusting to living instead of surviving in my new city, I got a call. My abuser killed himself. I can't even describe the blow that was to my faith and the feelings of guilt that came with that event. I went from trying to recover to being as self destructive as possible. I started drinking every night and self harming. I was reaching out for help and thankfully, I found it.

I'm now a baptized member of the Catholic Church. I've found support in ways I didn't even think were possible. I've found a family of believers that lift each other up, and have been so helpful in my journey. I started asking where God was in my situation. And the answer I got was, God weeps. This wasn't his plan. This was free will. And no, it's not always easy. But through my conversion I've found faith, and that was something i never expected to find again.

I know this was long and I'm kind of rambling but its not always easy for me to talk about these things. I'm trying, so just bear with me :D I didnt proofread because if i do I'll just get nervous and delete the whole thing haha