Sexual Abuse Survivor

Hi All

First of all, I don't have money any money to seek further professional help with trying to recover from being sexually abused as a child. I thought of writing a thread of it to help to elevate my emotions and my story.

I am 29 years old and a female. I was sexually abused when I was 7 years old. The abuser also sexually abused my other sister (let's refer to K) and my brother (who I will refer to as R).

My abuser who was at the time my 16 year old sister. She is now 38 years old.

I remember the first time I was abused which happened to be in the same room and same time as K was present. Both I and K were abused at the same time.

My parents and other siblings were in the room next door and my abuser came in. Abused us and went back to join the rest of the family with watching movies.

My second experience was when I was at home whilst my sibilings went to school. I was abused again.

I remember telling my mum whilst I was having a bath. My parents were aware of it but I guess they didn't know how to deal with it.

My brother had it worse. To the point, my parents walked in and caught the abuser at it. Even to this day, he doesn't talk about it.

The sexual abuse happened for a short period.

Although I have not had contact with my abuser in years.

This abuse has impacted me in a lot of ways. Feelings of guilt because it happened to my sister and brother. Although it happened to me, knowing it's happened to your loved ones makes feelings seem worse. Feelings of guilt, anger, pain, sad and shame. Also the knowing and questions like why the abuser happened to be my sister? Why did she do those evil things to her baby sibilings? In the eyes of the law, she was at an age where she could legally have sex. She knew what sex was. But she abused underage children who happen to be her sibilings. That's a pedophile.

This also affected my personal relationships to the point when I first met my first boyfriend. I was scared to get fully undressed when having sex with him. I felt scared and vulnerable with him.

I even had more friendships with males more than females. Maybe that's an impact as well.

Just needed to get this out.

edited by Rain45 Moved to a more appropriate thread in our forums