Sexual Assault

Before all of this covid stuff my therapist told me to refer to it as a "rape" but I haven't been able to bring myself to do that. He was a good guy before all of this, he still is seen as a good guy. It happened almost a year ago, it will be a year in October. I was at a party and stupidly got drunk. To the point of not remembering anything. I remember showing up to the party, I remember sharing a taxi home with one of my friends, I remember him already being in my house and helping me up the stairs, and then I forget everything except for approximately 5 seconds where he switched positions so that I was on top of him and I was so drunk and out of it that I didn't do anything, so he rolled back on top of me. It was my first time and that's what I remember. It also happened on the day I started my period and I feel like I can never forget about it or move on because whenever I start my period I think more and more about what happened and how stupid I was. I've went through a lot since it happened. From nightmares which led to insomnia, extreme panic attacks, an eating disorder and low self esteem, and all of that has been 50x worse than what it was a few weeks ago because I haven't been able to see my therapist due to the outbreak.