Suppressed Memory

Hi, I am dealing with the resurfacing of suppressed memories and shame due to childhood sexual abuse.

If you've had an experience with this type of stuff, I'd love to hear your story. I am mostly feeling very alone right now.

About 3 months ago I started having nightmares of a camp leader I was close to one summer. The memories are very vivid until the points that cause me lots of fear. Than it just feels like a sensation of panic. I tried to ignore it because I couldn't deal with it at the time. I successfully repressed it for a couple months (heh) but it's come back up again and I think I need to deal with it somehow.

I can remember him very clearly. I feel very guilty because he was my favourite person at the camp and I would spend most of my time around him. Until he started to make me feel uncomfortable. I can remember him wanting to kiss me all the time, and not letting me play with my friends in the pool because he wanted to hold me. Than i just remember being alone with him in a change room and after that things are blank and I feel intense fear/shame. Originally I just wanted to believe it wasn't real but the last week it resurfaced and I know the amount of emotional distress it is causing me is real.

So yeah if you've dealt with something similar what helped you or were you able to make peace with it.