TRIGGER WARNING: Should I keep searching for my rapist?

What is your goal? What is plan when you find him? I locate missing persons and work to identify remains unknown. I could maybe help..but. . What is the purpose, outcome you are looking for?

He works for the British Navy, so there might be a lot of other girls that went through the same on his travels. I know it sounds strange, but I feel like letting someone in his family know about it (just one person) would be enough for me. It would still not come close to the embarassment that I had to go through.

You have a terrible experience behind you and I can understand why you ask this question. I've been raped myself, and the worst part for me is that most of other people don't believe me. This is an intolerable injustice to tell to a victim of such a horrible crime that they are lying. I can understand that you want to be heard, that you want others to believe you and acknowledge your pain and suffering, that you want the rapist to be found and justice to be done. You have the right to it.

However, finding that person yourself is difficult, incredibly difficult, and I think what you're doing is spending hours searching for him, when you should be actually looking for someone to help you deal with the problems that you undoubtedly have after this trauma. You need a compassionate listener, a therapy, a warm, caring environment to help you put your past behind you. I don't know if you go to any therapy, but I think that this should be your main focus. Your own health, your own happiness is the most important thing, it's something worth fighting for. Even if you find that person, what good would it do? People would believe you, surely, but would that make you feel better in terms of dealing with your traumatic experience? You can find people who believe you without actually finding the rapist. Of course, you want the justice to be done, I know it, and it would certainly make you fell better if he was punished for what he did (he should be!), but I think you should first and foremost concentrate on getting help dealing with this emotional and psychological trauma. I happen to know who my rapist was but that doesn't help, because people don't believe me, and although it makes me terribly angry that he hasn't been punished for what he did, I think this is not the most important thing. Same goes for you. Finding the guy won't solve the problems that this trauma has caused. Finding help in the form of a therapist, on the other hand, will help you greatly.

If you need to talk, I'll be happy to help you. You can contact me if you want to, maybe I could do something to make you feel better. Be strong. All the best.

I think finding that person could provide you with proof of the incident as well as closure, but since what happened was two years ago and that it's becoming ever more difficult as time passes, I feel that weighing whether the energy and efforts you put in is harmful or beneficial to you as a person and survivor. There is healing in closure, but there is also healing in letting go. I am terribly sorry that this has happened to you, and I hope you are all right, but I cannot make this choice for you.

But, if you ask me what I would do if I were in your position, I would then have to answer that although it seems pointless and exhausting to be holding on to what happened, I'd like to find out who he is and bring him to justice, at the very least to ensure that he doesn't do the same to anyone else.

Regardless of what you choose, Miss, please take care of yourself. Do what you feel is right.

Thank you so much for your replies. It makes a lot of sense and I see things much clearer now.