Toxic and Abusive Parenting
I was raised by my mom, a solo-parent. She was 19 at that time then she got pregnant by her ex-bf accidentally when she was drunk and lacked knowledge for sex ed. I can still remember I was around 6-8 y/o she would punish me by make me kneel on salt naked, physically abused me and neglect my needs as a growing child.
I grew up without a father, so I was usually passed on and on to my mom's and dad's parents to be taken care of. I saw him twice only and never again after I was 5, after settling in with my mom on an apartment she neglected my needs for attention, guidance, wants, love and care. I was most likely getting blamed for being born and would repeatedly say she would be better off without me in her life. At a young age, I was damaged emotionally and mentally I couldn't feel normal emotions-reaction, wondered whats the deal with couples being together and greatly envied my peer's complete family.
At my 4-5th grade I hung out with wrong crowds, I got back-stabbed, my trust was broken completely especially for "classmates", I was outcasted and bullied by them till I've started isolating and closing off to the rest of my Elem days. I had ptsd bout what happened and has social anxiety now, introvert.
I was stupid back then, made wrong decisions and acts to resolve the issue that worsen my situation. I was not taught basic surviving skills in social circles, prons and cons of my actions, importance of friends and what are not friends. Been taught only just to study and have good grades, graduate and have a better future for myself. I had many regrets and those memories is a nightmare for me, I had depression when I was 11 back then, I'm 16 now but still left untreated.
