Wrong place. Wrong time.

My PTSD and Trauma stems from an incident that happened recently. Before, I just struggled immensely with anxiety and depression. I believe I have had anxiety since childhood, a lot of pressure to perform. The depression started after the birth of my 3rd baby. The anxiety I'm sure didn't help. I'll explain both things going on so that there is understanding and I think it will help me.

PTSD:

In May 2018 I was trying to get signed on with a new company. I had went to the workplace to sign some documents, get a run down about things and sign up for a safety class. When I finished I ran a few errands and then headed home. When I got home nothing was out of the ordinary. I grabbed my mail and walked up to my house. We have a keypad deadbolt on our home so I typed my code in and it made the sound like it wasn't locked. I figured my husband had forgotten to hit the lock button when he left that morning. No big deal, it has happened before. We live out in a holler...real out. Like we only see direct sunlight from about 10am to 2pm. So we have never been super worried, just concerns with our neighbor.

Anyway, I walked in and was looking at a catalog that had came in the mail in front of the door. I have 2 dogs in seperate crates and the large dog was acting antsy. Not uncommon, thought he needed to go out. I told him to hang on and about that time I heard a thump. When I looked up I heard a click and then realized someone, not my husband, was running toward me from my bedroom with a gun pointed at me. I dropped the mail and threw my hands up in defense, then I don't remember anything. When I came to about 20-30 minutes later I was alone. My husband's pistol laid beside me, my bags had been ramsacked and I had no idea what was going on. My head hurt really bad. I fumbled around until I found my phone and then I took a selfie trying to see what I looked like. Huge knot on my head and bruising had already started. I called my husband, but he couldn't understand me. I hung up and sent him the picture. He called me back and told me to call 911. I did and then I waited.

I was NOT sexually assaulted. However, I am terrified going home by myself, staying by myself, and I am constantly on edge and paranoid of people watching me. A little over a month after this incident my larger dog was tied out on my porch and someone shot him in the head. I was in the house, a bullet hole is about 6 inches from my kitchen wall. The sheriff hasn't arrested anyone related to these incidents. My husband and I think we know the people who are behind the attacks, but not the person that committed the acts if that makes sense. Soon you can form your own thoughts about it.

Anxiety/Depression:

My MIL and her sister filed a civil suit against my husband and me in February 2017. They are suing us over 52 acres and $25K. These things were paid and transferred to my husband upon his grandmother's death. We cared for his grandmother daily, while her children ignored her or mistreated her. MIL and her sister and 1 brother have bad mouthed us all over town (small town) and turned the entire family against us. We are constantly harassed by family in town and our neighbor has harrassed us every day since grandma's funeral. He knew we received the land after her death and had the gall to say, "I'd like that property if you'd ever want to sell it.", on the day grandma died! Now he harrasses us daily. Tries to run us off the road, blocks the road so we can't get home or get out, cusses us, gives us dirty looks and has cameras pointed at our house. We're getting ready to settle this whole family mess out of court, thankfully, by selling the property and splitting the proceeds. It breaks my husband's heart to do it, but we have no choice. We're ready to move away and get on with our lives for our children's sakes.

I don't shop in our town. I love my children's teachers, but I am constantly afraid that MIL will show up to the school and try to take them. Only one of my children even know what she loooks like. She lives 2 miles away and has seen my middle child 3 times in the first 4 months of her life and never seen my youngest. She hasn't seen my oldest since she was 4. My parents live about 90 miles away and they do help as much as they can and probably more than most parents would. We have no family support in town, only the few friends my husband has and the new "parent" friends I have made over the last few years. I'm just overwhelmed, tired, numb, scared, and paranoid.

Sorry this post was so long...I have problems spilling it out once I get started. :(