how do i even start to heal...

so. i had gone through a rough break up i wasnt expecting and a football player started talking to me. he would be mean sometimes though like once he injured my wrist over a pencil but i saw it as nothing much, i had always experiencedviolence in my family in some way.He invited me to go to a volley ball game and i kept saying no but when the last one came i agreed. he kept trying to convince me to sneak out in the middle to makeout or do stuff and i told him no i would want to just hang out with our friends. when the day came i met up to go and we were at the wrong place on the wrong date at the wrong time (he said it was an accident). he asked if i would like to just walk around to talk so we did and i followed a path thinking it was just a random walk until he sat down. after a few minutes he kept trying to force his fingers inside me while i pushed at his arms so he pulled down my underwear and grabbed my hip (which wasbruised for weeks) and he continued until he pulled himself out and told me to suck him. i said no and he told me he knew i wanted to. i glared at him it seemed unreal. he told me to do it and after i said no he grabbed my hair and shoved me down and himself into my mouth. i started to cry and gag and gasp for breath until he let me go. i got up an told him i needed to go and he followed me. on the way he sat at the baseball bleachers grabbed me and told me to ride him. i looked around but there was no one and back at him where he became angry grasping my wrists harder and pulling me ontop waiting for me to do what he said. so i did. i stood where he wanted so e finished and kissed me. i walked fastly to the front of the school (yes... it happened at the back of the school after it ended) and he yelled at me to make sure to clean myself of his cum so i wouldnt get pregnant. later in november he began holding me and grabbing my breasts and ass and whhen i would fight him he would get angry and hold me down to put something sown my shirt or look or touch. so i told a teacher and we told the admin which caused an investigation. he lied and had people go in and lie. the school wouldnt give it to the county to keep it out of public eye and said they were sending me to alternative school with the rapist. the school cop also called my mother and told him he thought i was a slut cuz he saw i had talked to a bf sexually in the past and found in unacceptable and she should watch her children better and he was going to make sure i get federally charged for wanting to have sex with the boy on school campus.they saidi let myself be raped because im too nice. men admin asked why i didnt bite him what i wore what i said and got so frustrated they would scream until i cried. after alternative school the boys friends would threaten me, torment, and push me into only two rooms in the school where i was safe from being hurt and eventually only one. one admin helped but one day he told me he could no longer make him stop hurting me. so i had to transfer schools where ive struggled to fit in, make friends, and have people understand me. ive tried suicide but i cant leave my mom. i have motivation issues. ive gained weight from stress. i feel alone. i have anxiety problems and extreme angry towards those from the case. i also learned recently tht the school had hid all my statements they claimed to have not remembered getting the day after and also our phone records the camera tape and everything. so even though im now getting help finally i still have anger and feel lost