i can't try to forget it anymore.

so this is really difficult for me to talk about but i can't handle the trauma anymore. i need somebody to talk to and i need my voice to be heard. i'm going to tell you all about my trauma involving somebody who, for privacy, i'll just call itai.

so itai and i had been best friends ever since we were young. we met online through deviantart in 2012 and we talked almost every day.

we continued to be best friends all the way up until february of 2018, where they admitted they had developed deep feelings for me. at the time they were nearly an adult, while i was and still am a minor. i accepted their confession and we entered a relationship together.

during the first few months everything seemed to be going well with itai and i, however at the time they were exhibiting some really creepy and manipulative behavior, something i wouldn't realize until quite a while after the relationship ended. but the first real problem came in june, where they moved to a new home and were extremely depressed over it.

i, not knowing exactly how to handle or feel about this, was deeply affected by their depression and began to hate myself for not being able to help them, this self-hatred very likely rooted in some of the things they'd say to me, such as "you ended my depression." i felt as though i was responsible for their mental health. however, i continued to act as though i was happy, wanting to keep a good mood for them. (continued)