*insert a good journal name*
Things aren't going well,had a big meltdown yesterday and now I don't really feel anything. Things with my bf aren't going well,He keeps throwing at myself the fact that i dont have sex and i keep defending myself because I have trauma and I'm a virgin and shit is hard. He started smoking weed a lot again when he knows it's a trigger for me and then gets mad at me if i leave for a while while he's high. Maybe moving in with home as a really big mistake since i lost my best friend because of it too. I don't know I'm just so tired right now my mind isn't working and my body feels like it weighs a ton. I can't think straight.
It sounds like a really difficult time, and we're here to listen. You have so much to give, and being able to identify your feelings is really important. You've identified some of your needs, and some big things that aren't working, and it seems like you've been really strong with your boundaries. That's amazing. it all helps you figure out how you can get closer to what will be fulfilling.
How long have you been together?
Above all, be kind to yourself. We all can only operate based on the information we have at the time, and attend to the needs we need to meet at any given time. Trust yourself. You deserve to be happy no matter your living situation.
Three months so far,I've been trying to open myself because I know i need to better my communicating skills. We know we need to fix some things,and i talked to him today and realized I need to be a patient with him as he needs to be with me.
