is this okay?
when someone asked me who was my hero, i said my father without hesitation. he is a nice person, he provides me with all i need and takes care of me when i'm ill. when my friends come over they always say how wise and sophisticated my dad looks. and he is, if you ask him about anything he will always provide you with an answer. he can do everything and rarely asks for help. i love him so much. mom on the other hand seems like a bitter person. every time my parents fight, i know my mom provoked him. every time he beats her up, i know she riled him up so much that he lost control. he is a nice person.
i mean it's okay that he doesn't like it when i draw and paint because it's a waste of time and money. it is okay to not let me go out with friends because the world is not safe. it is okay to forbid me from wearing tight and short clothes because that's not what a nice girl would wear. it is okay to ask me to be home in 10 mins after school because why should i be late? it is okay for him to hit me when i mess with his plants because he spent a lot of time taking care of them. it is okay to slap me when i yelled at my older brother for what he did to me or when i raised my voice when i was explaining why i felt wronged. it is okay when he didn't talk to me for a month when i tore one of my pictures or when i came home an hour late once. it is okay when he beat me up for going to a friend's house without telling them. it is okay when he threatened me with all the things he will take away from me if i don't stop my nonsense and go back to school. it is okay that he pretended i didn't exist for 2 months when i refused to go back to school. it is okay when he told me that anxiety is all in my head and that i can control my panic attacks. it's okay when he tells me that i can beat anxiety with faith and if i didn't it means that my faith isn't strong enough. it is okay whe he yells and threaten to slap me because he thinks i did something but the truth is i didn't do it, it just seems like i did it. it is okay that he forces me to eat more than i can because i'm too skinny. it is okay that he doesn't respect my decision of becoming a vegetarien because i'm ruining my health. it is okay right? it is mom's fault right? she deserves what she get's right?
turns out it is not okay. i still love my dad. i still don't like what my mom does. what kind of person this makes me?
Hi, I read that with tears in my eyes. I want to rewrite it saying 'it's not OK' instead of its ok, it really isnt!
Yu deserve better and to stay safe and be treated well. Stick by yur poor mum
@CocoaCassie thank you. I
@originalUnicorn17 Dear, this stuff happened to my mother back in the 60's and 70's. But, she was more vicious and ran away a lot, was put in juvenile delinquent homes, and then ended up pregnant with my older brother at only 18. Her marriage to her first husband did not last b/c the abuse from her father really hurt. She didn't even take much time to raise my older brother, my grandma always watched him. She was always busy partying and having fun. Then when I was born, she suffocated me so much b/c she didn't want me to end up living the type of life she did. Big mistake. I rebelled just like she did and made many mistakes. You know your father has some serious mental and emotional narcissitic issues. Do you still live with him? You sound like a teenager. You should go to social services! No child deserves to be treated like that. No wife deserves to be treated like that either! If my husband beat me up, I'd call the police! You have to do something ASAP before your whole future is traumatized by a selfish, mean, insecure man.
@TransAm85 Im no longer a teenager. I finished school eventually and I graduated from university. My dad is strict but he loosened up a bit with me and my siblings. I came to the realization that my dad havent changed much when my mom came to visit and told me a recent story of dad beating her up again. She was crying and saying that she only stayed because of us. She didnt want us to be split between them. I felt how depressed she is and it explains why she is so bitter. I spent days thinking and remembering my childhood. I still dont think my dad is bad because he is really kind and he loves us so much. He is still taking care of me even though I should be fully responsible for myself. I appreciate what he does but it hurts me when I see the other side of him. The so strict side, the do it or else. I thought my parents didnt fight as much as they used to but it was because I am away from home that I dont always notice when they fight. Even this time, if I didnt notice that my mother didnt call dad to tell him she arrived safely when I picked her up, she wouldnt have told me at all that they werent on speaking terms. I don't want to make dad look bad. Because somehow i feel like the good outweighs the bad. sometimes i would think and say that he never beat me up bad, never gave me bruises and he never gave mom bruises either. the times he beat us are occasional. It is not a weekly or even a monthly occurence. he hasn't done that to me since I was in middle school. I know that's no excuse but i am just hanging on the chance that he won't do it again.
