not nearly as bad as some but...
when I was first going through puberty (about 13 years old), my mom asked me to undress for her so she could see how I was developing "down there" (not in a sexual way). I got embarrassed and said "no" and she freaked out. She forced me to lay down on the bed and screamed at me and continued to undress me and examine me. She then marched me to the shower and washed me (rather agressively) while screaming at me for "lying" and "hiding" things about my physical development from her (this wasn't sexual, she was just extremely angry). I was so scared and humiliated. I don't know exactly what set her off.
can't even tell a therapist about it it's just too uncomfortable and out of the norm
And I love my mom and we are extremely close. We share everything. She is super supportive and loving but then has fits of rage like this. She's calmed down a little as I get older but occassionally gets real violent with me. The anxiety for me is constant. And my self-confidence/esteem is non-existent. I'm always apologizing to everyone for everything and I feel so guilty all the time. So confused.
Im so proud of you for sharing even when itmakes you feel uncomfortable, that shows alot of strength. 💐
That sounds very traumatizing and something no one should have to endure especially not a 13 year old❤
Its understandable that being brought up by someone who had unpredictable outbursts and who took them out on you would leave you with alot of anxiety. Possibly feeling hyperaware alot too where your constantly looking out for danger as a selfdefense mechanism.
It sounds too like it made you feel like it was your fault, which is an unfortunate and destructive lie and feeling often people who have endured abuse from people they lo e can feel.
It can be so confusing when its those we love that causes this kind of hurt. ❤
It sounds like now you have a pretty good relationship with her and its perfectly natural to have mixed feelings, you can hate what someone did and still love them. Its just important that while feeling that way you dont take the blame for something that was never your fault in order to do that ❤
Sending you lots of well wishes and wishing you well on your healing journey ❤