sexual and physical assault
i don't know how to start but i feel like two years of silence is already enough! on 30th of August 2012 i was supposed to go on a date with my boyfriend (at that time), the latter offered me to go with him to a hotel but i refused strongly...he swore that he will never touch or do anything so i continued refusing but he went on until he convinced me that i would be safe...after we entered the room of the hotel i took a seat on a table that was near the bedroom in that hotel room then he told me to go nect to where he was sitting so i did soon after that he started kissing me and was trying to force me to sleep on the bed but i struggled to leave immidiately but he hit me and started taking off my clothes, i cried a lot and told him to let me leave and that i would never cause him any trouble but he said it's too late since he was already feeling aroused :'( ... i didn't feelpleasure but i felt like he was tearing my heart and soul, anyway i begged him like a hopeless and helpless person not to do it but he started unbuttoning my pants that's when i interfered and played my last card i pushed him away with my whole force and begged him in the name of his dead mother that's when he stoped "momentarily" i tried to take my clothes and leave but he was already holding them so i wore his t-shirt that was next to me on the floor and tried to negociate, we stayed like that for 15 minutes then he told me that he'll let me leave under one condition so i was dazzled, he said you'll have to suck my "pe**s" and then you can go so i refused and told him to hand down my clothes therefore he hit me again and told me that i can leave only if i did what he asked and if i don't then i'd have to die naked, beaten with a chair i had no choice but to do it and i swear i closed my eyes and put my hand over my them in order not to see what was next to me, i did it while i was about to faint several times but he kept awakening me, on several occasions i walked to the bathroom and puke then wash out my mouth and every time i did that he would follow me and grab me from the back so i can do it again and again and again.
after he was satisfied he told me to get dressed and then we left, my back was hurting me and i felt that i was going to throw my heart out of my mouth, i didn't eat for days because i felt disgusting and that my mouth was very dirty, now i can't date or get married while he got married at the end of the same year to someone else and when i tried to contact him so he can apologize he yelled at me and called me with a very bad names :(
I'm so, so sorry. That was such a horrible thing for your ex-boyfriend to do. It was horrible in and of itself, and it was also horrible because he told you that you could trust him, and then he violated that trust. That's terrifying. No wonder it's been so hard to talk.
It's horrible that you've had to be silent, and that when you've tried to talk you've had it thrown back in your face. That must have made it doubly scaryto postall of them here. It's very brave that you did. It was a good decision. I want to tell you that I believe you, and that it wasn't your fault, and that I admire you for reaching out.
I should also tell you that don't think it's true that you can't date or get married, but I know it takes a lot of time to feel like those things can happen for you after such a vicious violation. I relate very strongly to feel dirty, contaminated, and afraid that you can never again have trust with someone, never again want to feel romantic or sexual with someone. That is not true, but it is a very, very, very real feeling. It is important for you to know that you are none of these things he told you you were. He is a nasty, vicious person who did something profoundly unkind to you, and that says nothing about you, but it says a LOT about him.
All I see of you is someone who was treated horribly, but who is still brave and strong enough to speak up. I am very sorry you have had to, but I am very glad you did.
I was physically abused by my girlfriend, she was so violent that night.. that I am still scared to meet her.. I could not talk about it to anybody.. I was humiliated.. so much.. ... even am not able to write here anymore..