tired...flashbacks
I'm sitting awake. It's 430am. I've been up all nite. Crying on and off. Everytime I close my eyes to try and sleep I'm seeing everything happen all over again. Like it's on repeat. I feel it happening, I smell and hear everything. I see myself not fighting back, not saying no. Wondering if I fought back or said something would he have stopped. There's a rational part of me that knows I shouldn't go there. Regardless it's not my fault. Than there's this whole other side of me that's says it is, because I didn't say no or fight back. It's making me physically sick. I'm so tired of this. I just wish it would stop.
Though I don't know exactly what you have gone through but I can make out you have experienced something terrible and probably still going through it. Only thing I would like to tell you is if anything is making you this sad can never be your fault because no one wants to experience such trauma . Either they are driven to the extreme or they are vulnerable at that point of time. It is surely not your fault. All I would like to suggest is that now when you know you don't like whatever has happened then you must stand strong against it. Tell someone you trust can help. Don't be scared . Shit happens in life but you have to make sure it doesn't keep going on. I feel everyone has enough courage you just have to grab it and speak out . It simply doest matter what others think but what you think is right for yourself. My wishes are with you. Do let me know that you are fine.
I'm ok. Just needed to vent. Spoke with one of the listeners last night too. I'm am already in counseling. Nights have been rough for a weeks now. Nothing was working last nite. Thanks.
Take care. Will think of you and hope things get better soon. Good luck and god bless.
My friend, remember that these long and restless nights will not be forever, It will take time but you will grow and get better. Take care, we're thinking of you.
Thanks for the support...it helps
Of course!
