Am I starting to remember what I blocked out?? (Trigger warning)
I was a slave for 18 years. I remember the first time I had sex when I was 4 I think all that came after. I can picture every detail in my owners faces. I remember all the bad things that happened and the bad things I saw happen. But I can't remember the last year or so I was with them I don't remember being rescued just waking up in the hospital afterwards. I always thought it's a good thing I can't remember because during that time they shattered the bottom of my spine. But I've been getting dreams lately. My sleep is very poor right now. And I see things and have like flashbacks. I'm wondering if I'm starting to remember and if it's a good thing. Has anyone else blocked out a part of their life? Did it ever come back to you? I don't understand what's happening with me rn.
Dearest @Tinywhisper11
I'm sorry you went through so much abuse. Your so brave sharing your thoughts here. Your doing a great job. All your experiencing is so normal.
Yes I understand. I blocked my childhood abuse for decades because it was too painful to face. I have learned in therapy that it is a way to protect yourself. I developed a persona -a protector personality as a child and that persona stayed with me for decades. She protected me . ( It wasn't a healthy way to cope though).
Flashbacks are very scary but I found that if I journaled in my notebook about everything and I talked to my therapist about it with my journal in hand it helped a lot. We worked through it and she helped me find ways to cope.
I also was not sleeping and I had to take medication for that problem for a while. I have a ton of anxiety which causes sleep problems but I'm still working on it.
I use artistic pursuits to help me cope with my feelings and flashbacks as well as writing about them.
Time does really help heal . Just be good to yourself, love yourself and use this time to do things you enjoy.
Best always ABB 💜
@amiableBlackberry92 ok so it's normal then that's good news ❤ I like to be artistic too, I paint pictures I can't hold a paintbrush properly but it's still fun. I can't journal like you do I don't have all my fingers left anymore so it's impossible to use a pen. Your a strong person. I wish us both well in our healing process ❤ we can do this
@amiableBlackberry92 ok so it's normal then that's good news ❤ I like to be artistic too, I paint pictures I can't hold a paintbrush properly but it's still fun. I can't journal like you do I don't have all my fingers left anymore so it's impossible to use a pen. Your a strong person. I wish us both well in our healing process ❤
@Tinywhisper11
My friend had a disability and couldn't paint with her hands so she held the paintbrush with her mouth.
@amiableBlackberry92 wow really? That's a great idea ❤ God bless your friend. I'm not that bad they only cut 2 fingers off each hand so I can just about hold a paintbrush. There are many inspiring people in this world like you and your friend ❤
@Tinywhisper11
I believe if we reach down deep we can overcome alot. We can use what we have left to create a beautiful life. We can surround ourselves with beautiful people and amazing creations. I spent the last few years creating comfortable surroundings and art I created to make my world bright and safe. I lost my identity to my abusers but I do believe with the help of a few special people here on cups and in my real life I'm finding myself finally after decades of being lost.
You are blessed with a chance to create a beautiful life. You are doing it already.
Best always ABB 💜
@Tinywhisper11
Much strength I send to you and my very big shoulders to lean on!!!~
Blessings, Day
@juliak1968 aww hugs ❤ thankyou
@Tinywhisper11
Yeah... I have an auditory trigger. I never quite figured out why the sound bothered me so much... But I've been wondering if I have suppressed memories... Maybe that would explain my messed up emotions and stuff.