Anyone else having identity crisis?
TW- childhood abuse....When I was a kid my abuser always kept us on edge with ragefull violent outbursts( among other abuses) without warning or provocation . I remember one specific time when I was in my room studying and he burst in the door screaming that I was disrespectful with a bad attitude.( I was 12) I was busy trying to get good grades and be the perfect daughter so he wouldn't be mad again. But instead he picked up a huge electronic device and threw it at me. I ducked fortunately or it would have hit my head. I stood in shock after he left and I was thinking what's wrong with me why can't I do things good enough. I must be a terrible child defective in some way. Now I really don't know who I am I was so busy trying to fit his expected role I lost the real me. I surpressed all that horror for a long time and now trying to come to terms with it. He's dead now. I just want to find the authentic me. I'm aware now of what that environment did to my self esteem among other issues( CPTSD). I created a fake persona that I used up to this point to live life. In doing this I lost the real me. I want to be authentic, find myself.( It's a scary undertaking) ABB
Hello
@amiableBlackberry92
You are an amazing person with a clear, definite identity, as far as I can tell by your many posts.
Just do the things that come to your mind. Let these ideas flight free, write them down, organize them and "Just do it."
What hobbies would you like to master ? Any sports ?
Philosophy of life ? Christian, mindfulness, stoic, buddhist, yoga ?
What is your ideal day like? Make an hour by hour schedule.
What attributes you demand from a friend ?
What exact relationship would you like to have with each family member ?
What good causes would you like to support ?
Special interest groups to join ?
Take some hours of quiet time alone, get a large notebook and a good pen (like a Uniball Jetstream or Signo), ask these questions and some more, and write down all the ideas as they come to your mind, without criticizing any.
I repeat: write down all the ideas as they come to your mind, without criticizing any.
Fill many pages. And them some more.
Draw, doodle, connect.
Repeat the same process some days more.
Then organize all that information into plans: a daily routine, the next month, the next semester, the next year, the next five years. Things you must do sometime in your lifetime.
You will find yourself by actually doing these things.
That's your identity.
All the best !
Marcelo.
Marcelo, thank you for the tip list. In reading it I realize I am unconsciously doing some of them. I'm an artist🎨 and have sold some paintings and given the proceeds to a children's Charity. I'm trying to read the Bible in a year, failing so far lol. I have a good friend and trust is my #1 required trait.( Although I have never given them any info I needed trust for) I started writing a book but stopped during all the stuff that I've been thru. Since my healing has begun my relationships with family has improved because I say no now and I don't try to fix anyone's problems anymore. I put my needs first for the first time in my 5O years on earth. My absolute biggest issue is I can't connect because I don't trust anyone. This is why 7 cups is so key for me -I am anonymous here . I love that. I'm not on social media at all. I value privacy in a world where there is none. I like helping here if I can with some of my story/ pain. If one hurting soul feels better from my words I'm happy to help them. I have been alone in my world for a long time even though I'm surrounded by ppl, family etc. I wrote all you suggested down. I write alot. Thx 💜ABB
@amiableBlackberry92
You know very well who you are !
I am glad for that !
You could publish your biography under a pseudonym..
All the best !
Marcelo.
