Bombing memories and current threats

Hi everyone,

I grew up in Oklahoma City, and one of my earliest memories is the 1995 federal building bombing. I was 6 years old at the time, but due to lots of types of abuse and trauma I have huge memory gaps, so this really is one of my youngest memories.

I was at my parents house 5ish miles from the bombing site, so I wasn’t a survivor or at the scene. I remember being upstairs in my parents’ house and hearing bomb and feeling the house shake and going to the stairs where there is a window and seeing the mushroom cloud. My mom and siblings were all getting ready to go downtown to a children’s museum across the street from the building that was bombed. My uncle was planning to have lunch that day with a man who worked in the building and died in the bombing. I’ve always been extremely grateful that nothing delayed the bombers that day so none of my family was killed or hurt.

I remember going downtown to the site a few days after to put things like flowers, candles, and teddy bears at the memorials. I remember being so scared and so sad. I found photos that my mom or someone took on that trip, and my face is just crumpled and red from crying.

Anyways, I’m having a very hard triggering time right now because I work at a big children’s hospital that has been getting weekly bomb threats because we provide gender affirming treatment to people 18+ and are accepting of trans and nonbinary patients of all ages.

I’ve always been triggered by loud explosions and shaking buildings, but in the last couple months I’ve just at peak fight or flight at all times. I feel alone because no one around me has the same experience with bombings. I’m tired. I’m scared. I’m angry. I’m weak.