How combat trauma and PTSD affect families of those who have served
PTSD arising from the prolonged impact of traumatic combat experiences, can make it difficult for those around the individual whose suffering. Famiily members and friends of someone with PTSD may experience the following:
1. Sympathy - You may feel sorry for your loved ones suffering. This may help your service member know that you sympathize with them. However, be careful that you are not treating them like a permanently disabled person. With help and support, they can work on how the combat experiences has impacted them and work towards feeling better.
2. Negative feelings - If you believe your service member no longer has the traits you admired, respected and loved, it may be hard to feel good about them. The best way to avoid negative feelings is to educate yourself about PTSD. Even if your loved one refuses treatment, you will probably benefit from some support and having an understanding of how their combat experience has affected them, what combat experiences have on how the body and brain deal with the processing of these experiences.
3. Avoidance - Just as those who have experiences trauma through combat may avoid things due to their PTSD symptoms, you may find yourself avoiding the same things in order to reduce their reactions. Or, you may be afraid of his or her reaction when you do things without them. One possible solution is to slowly start to take part in a few different activities. At first, you can ltry these activities by yourself or with friends, but in the long run you should negotiate a plan so that you can do activities with your loved one. Seek professional help if your service member continues to avoid many activities, or if he/she frequently prevents your going out.
4. Depression - This is common among family members when the person with PTSD causes feelings of pain or loss. When PTSD
lasts for a long time, you may begin to lose hope that your family will ever feel as it once did. If your usual coping strategies and
supports dont bring relief over time, seeking treatment is recommended. Many of the same treatment strategies that help with
PTSD are also effective for depression.
5. Anger and guilt- If you feel responsible for your service members happiness, you might feel guilty when you cant make a difference and take their distress and pain away. You may also feel angry towards them if they fail to keep a job, drink excessively or because they may be angry and irritable. You and your loved one can get past this anger and guilt by understanding that the feelings are no ones fault.
6. Health problems - Consistently feeling anger, worry, and/or depression over a long period of time can have a negative impact
on health. Additionally, unhealthy habits such as drinking, smoking, and not exercising can get worse when trying to cope with
PTSD symptoms in a family member.
Ways families and friends can be supportive of the individual with PTSD
Tell your loved one you want to listen and that you also understand if they dont feel like talking. Learn as much as you can about PTSD and combat stress. . The National Center for PTSD has many fact sheets related to helping a family
member with PTSD.
Ask how you can help and keep asking!
Go with your loved one to visit the doctors and/or chaplain and participate in their treatment. Give your loved one space, but keep
encouraging them to have contact with family and friends and to do fun things. Withdrawal symptoms may make them hesitant to be around other people, but keep trying because social support is important.
if your partner is triggered by something in their environment that reminds them of their traumatic combat experiences, do not say anything that may make them feel either that you dont understand (i.e., laughing it off), or feel ashamed for the length of time theyve been back and still reacting, as it can make them close off, feel inadequate or weak, and ashamed.
Anger - While anger can be a normal reaction to coping with trauma, it can hurt and frighten other people. If your service member gets angry often, you can set up a time-out system:
Agree that either of you can call a timeout at any time.
Agree that when someone calls a timeout, the discussion must stop right then.
Decide on a signal you will use to call a time-out. The signal can be a word that you say or a hand signal.
Agree to tell each other where you will be and what you will be doing during the time-out. Tell each other what time you will come back.
While you are taking a time-out, dont focus on how angry you feel. Instead, think calmly, think about how you will talk things over together and solve the problem together.
After you come back:
Take turns talking about solutions to the problem. Listen without interrupting.
Use statements starting with I, such as I think or I feel. Using you statements can sound accusing.
Be open to each others ideas. Dont criticize each other.
Focus on things you both think will work.
Together, agree which solutions you will use.
If anger leads to violent behavior or abuse, this is not okay and could be dangerous. Go to a safe place and call for help right away ensuring if you have children, that they too are safe.
Know and acknowledge that your loved one's members anger is not directed at you or your children. Explain to your children the reasons for your service members difficulties, without going into graphic details. It is important to let children know that they are not to blame.