How do you cope with your mind fixating on traumatic memories?

You've been through a lot so it tends to stick around.

I've had a lot of harrowing events in my life and the first instinct was to ignore the flashbacks, soldier on and get immersed into something else.

It may have even worked for a few of them, but eventually, they aggressively returned and there were then, triggers on triggers on triggers.

So when I finally felt more stable and settled, I began to write down all the details, how I felt, how I reacted, what I should have said or done.

Just embracing the vulnerability, some of it, I kept personal, other bits I shared anonymously online and being able to offload it, out of my system, through the tears and sadness, well it didn't go away...

But it stopped being every thought in my day, now there was room for other things and it in turn gave me back some strength, courage and peace.

@BunFromThe90s I know how difficult it is for you, you’ve been through so much and it’s awful how much you’re suffering now. 

@BunFromThe90s I understand that going through so much hurt can be really challenging, and it can take time to heal. And it's only natural to feel tired and frustrated when these flashbacks keep coming up, especially when this happens for a long time. 

Everybody deals with these kinds of feelings in their own way, on their own pace and with the strategies that are more helpful to them. It may take some time to figure out what helps you most.

Having gone through my own experiences with trauma, some things I have found to be helpful are: 

1)  Grounding techniques and meditation: These strategies helped me kind of create a sense of calm and more space to deal with my feelings, memories and thoughts, instead of trying to fight them by distractions or avoidance. I ended up realizing that accepting them and processing them from a different, calmer, curious and compassionate perspective was a lot more productive and allows me to heal. Plus, these tools helped with the negative self talk, and my mental health and anxiety in general.  Taking the time to practice them daily even when I don’t actively go through a lot of stress has been beneficial.

2) Having some kind of outlet: talking to a friend, writing things down freely with no filter, reaching out for support online etc. Sometimes I wanted to talk about it with people I don't have a connection to. It felt less overwhelming. Other times, it felt like I wanted to just let myself cry and listen to music, other times I wanted to somehow let my feelings out, but without communicating them, and that's where writing was really helpful. Some kind of physical activity while under stress can also help.

3) Resources: Reading about other people’s experiences with trauma, their insights and their coping strategies helped accept my own feelings and not feel isolated. Here on 7 cups, for example, I find the self help guides informative, interesting and easy to follow, and I’ve also found some helpful exercises, videos, other resources like pages with info about certain topics etc.

There are ups and downs of course, and it can take time, but from what I’ve learned so far, I’ve gathered everyone can actually do things to help themselves handle this, and realizing this feels empowering and gives a sense of relief. It can be hard to realize it when dealing with a lot of pain. Feeling frustrated and helpless can break down our sense of hope, but it doesn’t mean things will stay like this. Wish you all the best J