Hypervigilance from post-traumatic stress
I feel very ashamed about this, but I needed to get this out there. I have experienced various severe traumas, all of which have been at the hands of “friends” and “lovers”. The reason I put “friends” and “lovers” in quotations is because these people pretended to care about me in order to get close to me and hurt me (there is too much for me to type here, most of it was very abusive and violent, it’s hard for me to discuss). One of the most intense symptoms I experience from my post-traumatic stress is hypervigilance, and it has gotten to a point where I want nothing to do with other people because in the context of my personal experience anyone who became close to me did so because they had ulterior motives. I don’t trust anyone and I prefer being completely alone. I have no friends.
I know you've deactivated - hopefully you return. You're not alone with this. It's so hard to trust anyone and when you do let your guard down - something ends up happening that just gives you more proof to why you can't trust anyone. For me - it's family - I don't have any friends either. Thought I did - but I blew that and got ghosted. Which hurt like h*ll. It does feel like alot of people have motives but not everyone will be out to hurt you. Idk - guess this isn't much help. I just wanted you to know you're not alone
Be gentle with yourself and your thoughts
Thank you for this. Hopefully they will return and get to read it. I’m also going through something similar.
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through something similar - it's hard dealing with this everyday - the constant wariness of people - never having anyone you can turn to
Totally get it. I too have trusted and got burned so many times by ppl who "care" ..that's bull"***". I have CPTSD from all those ppl that were supposed to care and protect me. It's makes it very hard to trust anyone. I am hyper- vigilant everywhere I go . It's something I've done since childhood, i always try to read each person in a room to see who might be a threat. Rough going thru life not trusting because you can't connect emotionally with anyone and it leaves you feeling completely alone. That's an awful feeling. I'm sorry for anyone in this alone pain ridden place , it's almost a " catch 22" you open up and trust and get burned or you trust no one and stay alone. Rough.....ABB
I can relate. I experienced trauma from bullying, neglect from my parents, and I was sexually assaulted by an ex boyfriend. I didn’t know how to handle any of and didn’t know how to express myself. I used sex to escape the pain and trauma. My family mis understood my behavior and so they see me as a liar and just a hateful person. So trust is really hard since I can’t even trust my family.
Facing all this damage is hard, that's why it's easy to slip into something that numbs the pain or it lets you feel something other than the pain of trauma . ABB💜
I do this alot - keep busy so I can't think and numb because I don't want to feel any of it. It still creeps in though doesn't it?
Yes the pain creeps in , it's under there tormenting me. Trying hard to distract myself from it. Not easy. Antianxiety meds help but can't take those every single day, so I save them for when I'm real bad in the darkness. ABB💜
