I am normal!!!

I am broken, a PTSD sufferer who is unable to form and maintain healthy relationships and someone who feels like they don't fit in anywhere(I could keep going on forever about my list of defects)...........but it took me a long time accept that despite all of that, I AM NORMAL.

I am a normal person who grew up without being shown any love from my parents and from the age of 4 onwards was passed around like a sex toy, punched,beaten kicked humiliated and tortured.

I am normal person who has had a very disturbing past which of course has left its effects on me, how could it not? It's a part of me.

I spent alot of my life suicidal trying to escape the pain and I see that now as a normal reaction too-I mean the way I have come to see it is that I cared enough about myself not to want to continue suffering-in the absence of any other hope of it stopping who wouldn't want to leave all of that?

But eventually I got used to the pain, the aftermath of it all because I am really stubborn person and a few years ago I came to the conclusion that I didn't go through all of that hell just to give up.

I have fully accepted all that has happened to me and I try to make it my mission to make a difference any way I can. I volunteer, I have a job which is with people who need assistance etc.

I couldn't do all of that if I still viewed myself as a freak. Don't get me wrong I still struggle, I still have some very tough times where I battle with some very self destructive thoughts. But part of accepting everything and becoming a functional person despite everything that happened was recognising just how normal I am. I mean I wouldn't judge anyone else for struggling so why should I judge myself?

I am alone in this world and that means in order to survive and try and live a life that I can look back on when my time comes and be proud of what I have achieved, I need to be kind to myself and reassure myself that although I know where those selfdestructive thoughts come from...............THEY ARE WRONG!

I am a normal person who has reacted normally to an awful lot of bad stuff and I'm not going to apologise or even try anymore to conform to "normality" because I am my own brand of normal and that's ok too!!!