I feel like I’m living in a simulation
My life is just not fulfilling. I am angry that I have to spend so much time trying to undo the trauma I was caused as a child/teen/young adult. I do not feel as though I’m living my life. I feel like I’m being controlled and doing whatever the person playing me wants me to do. I get up, go to work, come home and lay in bed until it’s night time, go to sleep, wake up, do it all again. Even on my days off I just lay in bed or I force my self to go window shopping or go grab coffee so I can attempt to find joy but it never works. I am angry. I am sad. I am hurting. I am constantly crying. My relationship isn’t fulfilling but I don’t like myself enough to leave. It’s getting bad again and I don’t know what to do. I don’t even remember what joy feels like.. or if I ever really experienced it in my life. Thanks for listening I just needed to vent somewhere to people who understand.
I understand. I’m a prisoner in my own home afraid to go out. Sad due to the recent loss of my mom but more exhausted by it. The anger is overwhelming. Due to being in crisis my doc has put me on heavy meds 5 times a day that render me into a stoned good for nothing I can’t even drive. My relationship with my kids is going down and my husband with whom I’m separated guilts me over everything. I’m not living life I’m just existing. I was trained a certain way but never untrained; just left with myself a carcass of what was once
thanks for the vent
@cranraspberry17
I'm so sorry your suffering so much from your experiences. I understand I too have a lot of trauma old and recent. Have you considered therapy.? I suffered terribly until I went to therapy. It was difficult at first but I stuck with it and it's made a big difference. Medication helped my depression and anxiety. I wasn't keen on it but I was just hurting too much for too long.
I read somewhere that anger is a mask for depression.
I wish you the best life has to offer because you deserve all the good.
ABB 💜
Hey ABB 💖 so.. I can’t afford therapy 😭 even with my insurance it’s $50 a visit and I work 2 days a week at a minimum wage job. I’ve been trying and trying to find ways to therapize myself but I can’t figure it out! Thank you for your kind words 💖
