I feel lost.
Just last year, I was diagnosed for PTSD, which makes sense, given my history and it was kind of surprising I never really considered it before, but that isn’t really the issue. I’m glad I know what I have so I can better understand myself, but lately, it feels like my PTSD, my trauma, is controlling my life.
My PTSD manifests in making me avoidant of situations that may remind me of my past traumas— and this can be in mundane things too. Such as opening my mail. I’m very private about parts of my life no one not traumatized would be, for no reason other than I had my privacy often ripped away from me as a child. It feels like I’m living my life navigating around these no longer existent issues because my mind is so paralyzed and stuck in those events. I genuinely hate it. I just want to live but I’m constantly having to battle myself because my mind is so disarrayed. I don’t know what to do and I don’t have a therapist I can talk about in depth with this yet, and it is unknown when I’ll get one.
I feel so trapped in a cage I made myself. How do you move past your PTSD triggers? Do I really have to live my life irreversibly altered like this? Will I ever have a chance to become ‘normal’ about things? I’m sorry for posting this. I don’t know what to do anymore, it feels like I’m walking in circles.
@Shirokyun
I am so sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult time. It takes a lot of strength to confront and acknowledge the impact that PTSD can have on our lives. It's understandable to feel like your trauma is controlling your life and that you are trapped in a cycle of avoidance and fear.
It's important to know that healing from trauma is a process that looks different for everyone, and it's not a linear journey. It's okay to take your time and be patient with yourself as you work towards healing and recovery. You mentioned that you don't currently have a therapist to talk to, but when you do get one, that can be a valuable resource to help you develop coping mechanisms and strategies to manage your triggers.
In the meantime, there are some self-care practices you can try that may help, such as mindfulness exercises, deep breathing, and grounding techniques. It can also be helpful to reach out to a support system of trusted friends or family members who can offer empathy, encouragement, and understanding.
Remember, you are not alone, and there is hope for healing and moving forward. It may take time, but with patience, self-compassion, and support, you can begin to find ways to live a fulfilling and joyful life again ❤️