I need help.
So recently I was being a lil nosy on an iPad that belonged to my dad, and essentially I found a video of him having intercourse with an escort. The part that bothers me isn’t because he has a wife, although it may seem wrong to outside people. Why I don’t think it’s as wrong is because my mom is horrible to my dad, essentially verbally abusing him ALLL THE TIME and so they have no sex life. In addition, divorce isn’t an option right now. As of now, I’m feeling just horrible all day, and it makes me almost sick to my stomach when I talk to my dad. I used to be insanely close to my dad and I still love him so much and I’ve already moved past it kinda, but I just can’t stomach what I saw. It keeps replaying and I have been kinda dissociating the past few days.
@amiableWatermelon8050
Hey, I just want to start by saying it makes total sense that you’re feeling shaken up. What you stumbled upon was really heavy and not something anyone should have to process alone, especially not involving someone they love and trust deeply like a parent You’re not wrong for being curious. You're human. And you’re not wrong for feeling hurt, confused, disgusted, or distant right now. That’s your mind and body reacting to something it wasn’t prepared to see. What you saw wasn’t meant for your eyes, and now it’s living in your head in a way that feels violating and intrusive and that’s not your fault. It’s okay to love your dad and still feel heartbroken or grossed out by what you saw. It doesn’t mean you’ve stopped loving him. It just means you’re processing something emotionally complex and deeply personal. That closeness you shared with him is real and it doesn’t vanish because of one moment. But it’s also okay if you need some emotional space to process what this means for you. What you’re feeling this disorientation, the dissociation it’s your brain trying to cope. Be gentle with yourself. Let yourself feel whatever comes up, even if it’s messy or confusing. This doesn’t make you weak. It makes you incredibly strong for holding all of this. If you can, talk to someone safe about it a therapist, a trusted friend, or even just journaling it out. You don’t have to carry this alone, even if it feels isolating. You're allowed to feel this way. You're allowed to need time. And you're allowed to protect your heart while still loving your dad.
Sending you a huge wave of comfort right now. You're not broken. You're just human, and you're doing your best. That’s enough. ❤️