I never thought my nationality would be a source of both pride and pain!
Trigger Warning: Mentions of war/combat/violence
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This is really hard for me to say, so I want to thank you all in advance for being patient with me! <3
In the last almost 2 and a half years, I haven't told this to anyone unless they absolutely needed to know. I've always been shy so I don't talk too much in public but when I do and someone asks me where I'm from, I just answer, "Eastern Europe" and leave it at that. Saying the name of my home country, and especially my hometown, out loud brings up so many difficult feelings!
I'm Cadence and I'm from Ukraine.
My family moved to the United States a couple years before the full-scale invasion happened - being in the middle of what started as an Anti-Terrorist Operation (ATO 2014) is anything but fun! In 2022, I was visiting for a few weeks and just happened to be in the wrong place at exactly the wrong time. Thankfully, we left before things really went sideways, otherwise I would probably be in pieces in a ditch somewhere by now. My parents and I knew that it was going to get a lot worse - what we didn't know was just how much worse.
What my hometown went through in the next 3 months was something indescribable. I was glued to my computer and phone 24/7, reading and refreshing on repeat. Every time I got a social media message in the middle of the night, my first thought was: "Oh God, what's happening? I missed something major, didn't I?" The images of what I saw, what the streets I knew so well had been turned to, are probably going to haunt me forever. Nearly the entire city had been leveled with the ground just because it's a "strategic location."
But me being an annoying optimist, I believed in a de-blockade. I believed that everything was going to be okay - I just had to be patient. I couldn't think of the worst case scenario because I was going to summon it. I was far from being in harm's way but all I could think was, "My country is being destroyed and I have a cozy seat on the sidelines!"
One of the administrators at my school had told me that he really didn't want me to lose the kindness, positivity, and spirit that, in his opinion, had inspired many others. He didn't want me to learn to hate everyone and everything. And I tried really, really hard to not let that happen.
But now I've just about lost all hope. I feel like the worst person for leaving. It shouldn't have been one of my relatives who was our old apartment during a night shelling - maybe it should have been me. Maybe it shouldn't have been hundreds of innocent little children who had gotten killed because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time - maybe it should have been me.
So many dark thoughts keep coming to me and I just... words just fail me at times like this 😔
@staywiththecadence God bless you, and your family ❤ God bless ukrain, and all the innocent lives that have been taken and destroyed😞 I think you managed to live, because your special, I'm so glad you moved to safety I'm so glad you survived. And I understand the feeling of guilt and should have been's, I really do. But there is a way for you to honour all those innocent souls, and your beautiful country. All you need to do, is spread love not hate, keep kindness and hope alive in your heart, spread positivity, speak up for those who cant/couldn't. For then you will have saved a thousand more innocent lives ❤ hugs you tightly ❤ I really hope your ok
@Tinywhisper11
Tiny, thank you so much for your kind words! 💗 *hugs*
I think you would have liked my Grandfather, the town he was from is currently in Belarus but he considered himself Ukranian, never Russian, always a Ukrainian Jew. There I've said it, Jewish. In a time where that once again carries baggage and controversy and all the complicates history that goes with it.
His family, my family, also escaped - between World Wars. We know relatives he met on the way out, people he knew, didn't survive.
In fact if you put my various Grandparents together - I couldn't care less where the current borders are, o .
And I somehow hit post while still writing - so will try to summarize this the right way. I do not care that technically part of my family would be considered from Belarus because Belarus *should* be standing with Ukraine and it sickens me that they are not- back in the days of the old borderlands we were the unwanted, the used, the cannon fodder.
My family may have left before a different war and in a different time but my Grandfather considered himself Ukranian till the day he died .
I stand with Ukraine and with you.
@IndigoWhisper
Thank you so much for taking the time to write such a thoughtful response and for sharing the stories about your Grandfather! He sounds like a wonderful man. You're right - I would have loved to meet him if I had the opportunity. May he rest in peace and forever be in a place where wars don't exist.
Your words of support and solidarity mean a lot to me 😊