It all came flooding back

Ive been diagnosed with CPTSD and PTSD among other things. Im a survivor of COCSA and CSA and have slowly been trying to recover and come to terms with my situation and past. However a week ago I had a severe flashback to my last ex r*ping me and taking advantage of me multiple times. Idk how to cope rn bc its so fresh in my mind. I blocked it out COMPLETELY for YEARS. I wrote a poem about it but its not enough of an outlet atm. I havent been able to cry about it either bc Im in a situation where it wouldnt be appropriate to have a meltdown or bc I straight up cant bring myself to cry. Idk what to do. I have therapy tomorrow so hopefully thatll help. I just feel so alone rn. I just need compassion and support rn from the people in my life but I feel like I cant talk about it bc its a burden on others and Id rather carry the weight of my own baggage. But Im getting worn down from it all and Im so so so tired. I need things to change. I need to feel safe. I need to be able to trust. Im so overwhelmed. Sorry I just needed to vent about this bc I havent talked to anyone about it. Thanks for reading if you got to the end of this lol.