My physical therapy progress (no replies please💜)

Yay, I did it! I am really proud of myself for going. Now I want to write it out to process it, and keep progressing forward.

Aside: Also it is very strange writing lately, I feel my writing voice is different. I hope I get myself back with more practice. I'm not going to be harsh on myself about it here though. I really want to get back into critical reading and writing, that hermeneutic circle which I love and keeps me in constant flow state interacting with texts and my life. 

When I got sitting in the waiting room, I felt myself starting to panic. I wanted to cry, but I guess crying in public like that is not the best idea, especially in terms of feeling badly vulnerable. I was thinking to myself again how unfair all of this is, that I experience so much discomfort just to get to an appointment I would have never wanted for myself. It is really hard to leave the house lately, both physically and mentally. When I feel a good physical stride, sometimes my anxiety gets the best of me. When I feel a good mental stride, sometimes my physical illnesses get the best of me. I am trying to learn to navigate this clashing of my motivators better and be softer to myself in both ways while also pushing myself. I think it will help to have things to do outside the home that don't lead me straight into fear (like doctor appts).

I think this has so much to do with how much stress+trauma+tension I hold in my body. I'm glad I'm truly realizing this for myself at this point in my life. I am in a body I feel unfamiliar with, and there are pros and cons to that. I am grateful for my discernment . 

At the appointment, I clicked with my doctor, Doc H, really well. She listened, helped, was gentle with me and overall made me feel better about myself. She helped me feel that my emotions about all of this is normal considering what I've gone through, and that my problems can be helped. 

Hmm. what else to process. So, Doc H thinks that the source of my chronic pelvic pain is not my pelvic floor, but other muscles around my root chakra. I trust her with this, we did a lot of exploring these things together. And she decided (with my approval) that she wants me to also see another doctor in the same building, Doc C, because she thinks she can really help me. I will continue to meet routinely with Doc H about progress, just less frequently. I am genuinely filled with gratitude that a pelvic floor doctor would think of my health enough to think this deeply about my care and enact the plan. 

She showed me exercises I am excited to continue, as I already love yoga and exercise so much. But for now I have a heating pad on and need/want to rest and be gentle. 

We already scheduled my next appointments for next week and the week after. I feel tired, emotionally exhausted, and in pain. But I also feel so grateful I have new people on my care team to help me with progress+pain relief I desperately deserve. 

Go me! 🥰 Success.